


Equal Exchange

by Licialys



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gay Harry Potter, Light Angst, M/M, Pansexual Draco Malfoy, Patronus, Potions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-06-26 20:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15670836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Licialys/pseuds/Licialys
Summary: If Harry wants to get into Auror Training, he needs to get an EE in Potions. Who would be better than Draco Malfoy to help him in this task ?





	1. Explosive Event

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic, so I hope you find it interesting !  
> There are only 10 chapters of text, the last one is a drawing <3 
> 
> Disclaimer : The characters contained herein are not mine, they're property of J.K.Rowling. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

This was not a good morning.   

Harry had been trying to concentrate for the last twenty minutes while Professor Clearwater was rambling about today’s potion. Clara Clearwater, sister of Peneloppe Clearwater, Percy’s fiancée, was a good teacher. She was less stringent than Snape ever was (thank Merlin for that) and she tried to be helpful to students instead of leaving them to their antics until they failed. She was more or less in her late twenties and you could feel that she was trying to be strict with the students despite the small age difference between them.

Unfortunately, not matter how good of a teacher Professor Clearwater was, Harry could not focus on Potions right now. All he could think of was the Future. The Great Future that all of their teachers were speaking of. The one McGonagall was always pestering them about. The one that every single student in their year seemed so sure about.

Hermione is going for a job in the Ministry, possibly in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The problem of the House Elves’ treatment in the wizarding world hasn’t left her mind even during the war, and with their return to Hogwarts, she now has enough time trying to find a solution. Ginny is going to Healing once their studies are done, and she already has contacted St Mungos. Appareantly her War Hero status has secured her an internship next Summer in the Wizarding Hospital. Luna is going to step in for her Dad as the Quibbler Editor in Chief and Neville is leaving for Brazil first thing after their NEWTs for an expedition studying Amazonian Venomous Tentacula. And Ron is trying to get in Auror Training. As is he. He thinks. Probably. Maybe.

The thing is, Harry is not so sure he wants to be an Auror anymore. But what could he do ? That's what everybody else is expecting of him. And honestly, he has no idea what other direction to take. So, Auror Training it is.

“You okay?” Ron almost whispers while Clearwater finishes with her explanation.

“Yeah. Just tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” Ron looks so worried that Harry quickly adds “It wasn’t a nightmare or anything. I was just… thinking.”

“Thinking ?”

“Thinking.” Harry answers, ending the conversation.

It's not as if he can’t tell Ron about his doubts about Auror Training. It's just that he feels no one would be more disappointed than Ron if he decided on another career choice. They had wanted to apply together since fifth year and they had often spent afternoons trying to imagine it. They would be partners, of course. He remembered a particularly difficult night when they were on the run in the Forest of Dean, when Ron had simply said “What could be better than being Auror Partners with your best mate ?”. Of course, at the time, they weren’t even sure if they were going to be alive a year from that. But it had helped Harry to hold on hoping to get away from there, to finally defeat Voldemort.

"I’ll go fetch the ingredients” Harry says when Clearwater is finally finished. He goes to the cupboard and absent-mindedly retrieves the Asphodel root, Infusion of Wormwood, Valerian root, Sopophorous beans and Stork brain. He crosses Hermione’s anxious eyes as she mouths ‘Are you okay?’. He nods dimly and returns to their cauldron.

Once they have sliced and diced the ingredients as specified, they gradually add the different piles to the Potion. But as they reach the half-way stage and their potion has not turned a shade of pale lilac like it is supposed to, Harry notices the bubbles forming at the surface of their bright yellow potion. “Is it supposed to do that?”, he asks Ron.

“I don’t know, mate. What’s the last thing we added?”

“Sliced stork brain. I think”, he adds seeing the panicked look on Ron’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“It was sloth brain, not stork brain… Professor?” he calls, as Harry sees that the bubbles beginning to multiply and grow rapidly.

“Ron, it’s too late,” he says quickly, then shouts “Everybody duck !” while casting a Shield Charm. The explosion resounds loudly and Harry lets himself exhale after he quickly checks that nobody has been harmed.

“Mr Potter, Mr Weasley,” Clearwater says from behind them, “it’s the third time this month. While I think your classmates might appreciate their frequent unprompted Shield Charm training, I suggest you pay more attention to the class. NEWTs are coming and if you continue this way, I am not sure you can get the required Exceeds Expectations you two are aiming for. Ten point from Gryffindor.”

When Harry hears Hermione sigh loudly and Parkinson snicker at the other end of the classroom, his cheeks turn pink. Ron adds a quick “Don’t worry mate, you’re just tired is all.”

"Mr Potter and Weasley,” Clearwater calls from her desk, “I have just had word from Headmistress McGonagall and she would like for you to head to her office as soon as the lesson is finished. Due to the current state of your potion, I don’t think you’ll be able to finish it today. You can go immediately.”, she says, efficiently dismissing them.

Harry looks at Ron with a frown on his face, “What could she want?”

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Please take a seat”.

Ron and Harry sit silently in front of the Headmistress mahogany desk. The room has barely changed since the Dumbledore’s days. Fawkes’ cage is nowhere to be seen, and a few family photos of Scottish wizards are hanging here and there. Appart from this, and the two new deceased Headmasters’ portraits, McGonagall hasn’t changed a thing. Harry feels both nostalgic and distressed as he remembers the last time he has been in this office.

A few weeks after the castle’s repairs had begun, McGonagall had told Harry that, as all the other students of his year who wished, he could come back in September and join the so-called “Eighth Years” class. For those like him who hadn’t wanted or hadn’t been able to come back to Hogwarts last year, it was a precious opportunity to pass their NEWTs. And for those like Neville that had been there, it was the chance to pass them again, this time in a safer atmosphere.

He hadn’t thought long before accepting, like most of his friends. Dean and Seamus had gotten directly in the Auror Training programm but Ron and Harry had prefered the prospect of a last year in Hogwarts. Besides, Ron hadn’t wanted to miss the opportunity to be with Hermione here at Hogwarts.  

After their summer looking for Hermione’s parents in Australia, Ron and Hermione had come back in England, closer than ever. Despite the spike of jealousy that sometimes makes Harry feel lonely, he is truly happy for them. He wonders if his presence has prevented his two best friends to see each other as a love interest for so long or if they had known and hadn’t wanted to act on it because of him. Anyway, they're very clearly in love and they spend all of their free time together.

“I had understood”, McGonagall says, drawing Harry back from his daydreaming, “that both of you had the ambition of entering the Auror Traing Programm next year. Is that correct?”

“Yes”, they say together.

“And I also understand from what Professor Clearwater told me, that your results in Potions for the last few months haven’t been satisfactory. Do I need to remind you both, that your career choice requires at least an Exceeds Expectation from Potions, as well as from Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology and Transfiguration?”

“We know, Headmistress.” Ron answers. “But it’s not really our fault. Harry has just been tired lately and…” Ron looks guiltily at him. Harry knows it’s his fault. He knows he hasn’t been able to concentrate in Potions since the beginning of the year. Somehow he feels like his brain just isn’t made for it. All the ingredients look the same to him, and between the wrong-colored potions, the wrong-smelling and the explosive ones, he doesn’t think he has done any of them right since they came back this year. Ron at least managed the exams.

“Is this true Mr Potter ?” McGonagall asks doubtfully. As Harry nods, she adds “If this lack of sleep of yours is really serious, I’d seriously advise you to go to Madam Pomfrey so she can help you. Taking care of your health is something I should not be reminding you of doing.”

Harry guiltily looked at his shoes. Ron elbowed him gently and smiled at him, trying to lift his spirit.

“Gentlemen, I will simply remind the following : we are at the end of January. If you don’t take the current matter in your hands, I highly doubt that you’ll reach the level needed to obtain the required marks on your Potion NEWTs. I know that student often feels as if working with their friends is the best option, but in this case, I’d strongly advise you to find another skilled student to partner with and help you get back on track. I know both of you are capable of getting in Auror Training, but you need to put more effort into it. I don’t imagine you’d want to have to ask for special treatment just because of your names.”

With this, she simply dismisses them and they head to the Great Hall for lunch.

“God, she can be such a pain !” Ron says.

“Yeah, but she’s right though.” He looks at Ron and, deciding that honesty is best right now, he says “I think that I’m holding you down, here. You are actually way better at Potions than I am and I know that you need  to work on your Herbology if you want to pass.” Ron looks uneasy but he doesn’t deny it, and Harry feels suddenly extremely guilty. “I’ll be alright you know. You can ask Neville for help, I think he said as much last week. And I’m pretty sure Hermione will accept to help me for Potions.”

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“I can’t, Harry.”

This, Harry hadn’t predicted. Hermione always helped him. Whatever the situation, whatever the millions of different acitivities she takes part in, she had always found time to help him before. Maybe Ron isn’t the only one that he’s been a burden for.

“I’m truly sorry, but you know about all the NEWTs I have to take.” And he knows. She decided that missing a year was no reason for abandonning her ambitions : her mind is set on taking ten NEWTs this year. She says that if she really wants to enter the Ministry, it has to be with an impeccable record. “And I’ve been helping Ginny with her duties as Head Girl, you know. I fell behind in my schedule and I don’t have time to do much more, really.” She looks at Ron who understandingly smiles at her. The besotted look on their faces is painfully obvious.

“Don’t worry Hermione, I understand. I’ll just find another solution that’s okay.” He just has to find that other solution. It can’t be that difficult right ?

“What about Malfoy ?”

Harry turned a surprised glance at Ginny. Things between them have not been great. They have barely spoken for the last eight months and he has no idea what to do.

At first he simply thought he would leave her alone because she was grieving. Harry was grieving too, but losing a friend, no matter how close couldn’t compare to losing your brother. When they got back to Hogwarts he thought they’d be ready to get back together, maybe. But after everything that had happened during the war, he was beginning to wonder if he still had feelings for Ginny. He would see her every day either in class or at the Gryffindor table but he would rarely be able to hold a conversation with her. He simply couldn’t find the right moment to speak about their feelings or their future. So he avoided her. And she avoided him in return. Not trying to dwell on the matter, he had let the days pass. The days had become weeks and the weeks months. And here he was. Being barely cordial with the girl everybody believed he’d marry and have a family with.

“What about him ?” Ron asks, looking puzzled.

“Well, he’s great at Potions, right ?” Ginny says. “And he’s not the same guy he once was. He’s been really quiet since last year. I heard he was here all summer, helping rebuilding the school.” And surprisingly, Harry has heard so too.

After his testimony at the Malfoy trials, he had not seen Malfoy until the 1st of September. McGonagall had implied that all student who wanted to complete their education and pass their NEWTs were welcome to Hogwarts this year, but he hadn’t expectly for the blond boy to be there in the Hogwarts Express. Seeing him standing on the train platform, saying goodbye to Narcissa before joining Parkinson and Zabini had been a surprise. Not a bad one, at that, but he hadn’t really stopped to thing about it. He agrees with the Headmistress when she says everybody deserves a second chance.

“All I’m saying,” Ginny continues “is that he could help you.”

“He kind of owes you one for saving his butt from the Fiendfyre.” Ron says.

“He doesn’t owe me anything.” Harry retorts. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he still hates me.”

“You have nothing to lose by asking him.” Hermione says. Seeing the disappointment in Harry’s eyes, she promptly adds “And I agree with Ginny. He _has_ changed. He’s a quite thoughtful Prefect and I’ve seen him helping the Slytherin First Years more than once. That’s nothing like the Malfoy I used to know.”

Harry doesn’t answer. He’s not sure it’s as bad an idea as he first thought.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“What do you want Potter ?”

As Malfoy glares at him with one raised eyebrow and an unimpressed look, Harry begins to question his decision.

After Ginny’s suggestion yesterday, he's tried to be objective about the situation. Malfoy really is the best at Potions in their year, there is no doubt about it. And Harry really needs the help. If not for their past, he probably wouldn’t have hesitated for a second. But a past there is.

Ever since they were eleven and he has refused to shake Malfoy’s hand, there hasn’t been a week without a cutting remark, some raised wands or cast hexes. Culminating in the event in the girls' bathroom he’d rather not think about right now. Malfoy made his blood boil and apparently the same was to be said about the pureblood boy. Malfoy’s views on the Wizarding world made it difficult for Harry to even imagine working with him, let alone asking him for help. But they have been through a war and he really hopes the Slytherin has changed his mind.

The thing is, he doesn't know what Malfoy think anymore. But if Hermione and Ginny are to be trusted, and they usually are, he ought to give the blond another chance. Else he should feel quite hypocritical about this whole “inter-house Unity” thing that he has supported and talked about since the beginning of the year.

Now that he is here, standing next to the Slytherin table and looking straight at Malfoy’s pale grey eyes, he can feel his resolve weaken. What if he mocks him for even asking ? He can already feel the eyes of most of the other students burning the back of his head, and lots of people are whispering.

“Can I have a word with you, in private maybe?” he finally says.

“What do you want to talk about that you can’t say before us, Potter?”

Pansy Parkinson. He hasn’t even really noticed her, so focused that he was on Malfoy. She hasn’t changed much since their Sixth Year : same black bob hair, same fiercely protective attitude towards Malfoy and same contempt for him, it seems.

“Let the man speak, Pansy. Poor guy looks like an anxious bundle of nerves,” Zabini snickers.

Mustering his courage, Harry quickly says “I need help in Potions. And you’re good in Potions. I thought maybe… You could help me?” He’s babbling. He knows he is and he’s flushing at the idea of looking so riddiculous in front of the Slytherins, let alone in front of all the school.

When a few seconds have past and he has not yet been mocked or simply rejected, he looks up at Malfoy and what he sees is surprising, to say the least. Malfoy looks baffled. There’s no contempt or hatred on his face. His eyes are wide open and his jaw is hanging. It lasts for all but two seconds before he retreats behind the cold mask he uses so often. But Harry’s seen it. Malfoy is capable of emotions and he feels a little proud for surprising the man like this.

“No, I most definitely can’t help you,” Malfoy finally answers. Harry is trying not to show how disappointed he is, but it doesn’t look like it’s working. He sees a flicker of pity pass through Malfoy’s eyes, but before Harry has any time to argue, Malfoy is standing up and leaving the Great Hall like nothing happened. Parkinson is quick to follow behind him, but not before giving Harry a scornful look.

Not knowing what to do, Harry is about to go back to the Gryffindor table to finish his breakfast when he hears that Zabini is talking to him.

“If I were you,” he tells Harry with a crooked smile on his face, “I’d let him think about it for a while. He’s full of pride, our Draco, and you certainly took him by surprise. And if you really want him to help you, remember he’s a Slytherin.”

Hearing these mysterious words, Harry can’t help but think that all Slytherins are just impossible to understand. But as he heads to the Charms classroom, he gets it. Malfoy will not accept this if he feels he’s providing Harry with something, while Harry is not. It has to be a bargain. The only thing left to find is what he could possibly offer to Malfoy.

 


	2. Exasperating Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco is living his life, minding his own business. Why the hell would he help Potter?

When Draco wakes up, he doesn’t feel rested at all.

It’s not really surprising seeing how he hasn’t managed to sleep well for the past one and a half year. Since the Dark Lord had declared his home as his new hotel. The war ending and the demise of the Noseless One haven’t been helping factors for Draco. Having nightmares and insomnia isn’t really helping getting his life “back on track”, as Mother says. She says it like their lives have just temporarily changed directions. Like it’s so easy to go back to who he was before. They just don’t talk about it. “You have to go forward, Draco dear. It’s the only way we can allow ourselves to go.”

Draco heaves himself out of bed and heads towards the bathroom. After a quick scalding shower, he gets back to his Eighth Year Dorm Room. Not many students from their year came back, and he ended up sharing the room with Blaise and two Hufflepuff boys from their year, MacMillan and Finch-Fletchley. At least he’s not the only Slytherin.

Blaise is lucky that his mother didn’t pick sides in the war. Following her lead, he tried to be as neutral as he could last year. Being discreet is far from a natural trait for Blaise, but he managed to go unnoticed under the Carrows regime. At least he has been a good friend since they came back to Hogwarts, defending him when people are outright aggressive, even if it’s in his own sarcastic way.

As they make their way to the Great Hall, Pansy joins them and happily chatters with Blaise. Draco is drinking his tea while reading the Prophet, when he feels that someone is looking at him quite insistently. Looking up and directing his gaze at the Gryffindor table, he sees Potter quickly looking away. Well, that’s new. Since the beginning of the year, Potter hasn’t seemed to be interested in anything or anyone. Not that Draco is constantly looking at Potter. He’s only curious. The Gryffindor Who Lived should be happy. He’s now famous and adored by the whole Wizarding World, he’s secured a place in the Auror Training program and he probably will marry the Weaslette and father little Saviours.

Potter is now rising from the Gryffindor table and it doesn’t look like he’s heading out. Instead he seems to head to the Slytherin table. Oh, he doesn't want to be bothered by Potter so early in the morning whatever his reason is.

“What do you want Potter?” he says, as the other boy stands right in front of him.

Potter seems to hesitate before answering, “Can I have a word with you, in private maybe?”

What does Potter want? Draco is pretty sure he has been an exemplary student, not bothering anyone especially not Gryffindors.

“What do you want to talk about that you can’t say before us, Potter?” Pansy says. Oh, Pansy. Draco’s really glad they had a serious talk this summer. She’s his best friend. His first real friend. The only one he completely trusts and never doubts. After their disastrous try at a relationship in Fifth Year, his being an antogonistic little shit in Sixth and the war last year, Draco is truly happy his actions have not lost him his best friend. But the consequence for all the hardships they went through is that Pansy is now very protective of him. Some people might say overprotective. People like Blaise.

“Let the man speak, Pansy. Poor guy looks like an anxious bundle of nerves”, Blaise says.

Potter looks away and says, flushing “I need help in Potions. And you’re good in Potions. I thought maybe… You could help me?”

 _What?_ Is Potter really asking for _his_ help? Draco can’t believe his ears. And to think he was ready to get into a fight. He is so surprised, he’s pretty sure he lets it appear on his face. Potter smiles a little, probably sure that Draco is going to accept. The self-confident bastard. The thought of him tutoring Potter is so riddiculous that he doesn’t really need to think about it before answering “No, I most definitely can’t help you.”

At the honestly disappointed look on Potter’s face, Draco feels his insides crumble. Potter can’t be truly sad about this, can he? Confused, and not wanting to explain himself, Draco quickly stands and leaves the Great Hall in the direction of his Ancient Runes class. He hasn’t got time for Gryffindor mocking him and trying to play pranks on him. Because that’s what it is, right?

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“So, Malfoy, I was thinking…”

He looks at Potter with dismissive eyes and says “I hardly believe you were, Potter.” Draco tries not to be affected by the hurt look on the Gryffindor’s face, as he attempts to exit to Transfiguration classroom. Unfortunately, Potter has decided to make his life difficult and is standing in the way, preventing him from leaving.

They’re quite close, and Draco lets himself really look at Potter. The other boy has grown in the last six month, even if he hasn’t reached Draco’s six feet. He is still so skinny and he looks like he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while. But the fire burning in the emerald green eyes is disconcerting, as if Potter tries to compensate all the energy his body posture is lacking by glaring fiercely at Draco. The other boy takes a deep calming breath and visibly deflates before he speaks again.

“It’s about what I asked you yesterday. I know that you won’t help me at Potions if I don’t help you with something in return. So I thought you might want help in Defence. I know you’re taking a NEWT in it, but I heard you’ve had some problems with it,” Potter states.

Draco feels the flush reach his cheeks. He might have been distracted in the last Defence class because he was still laughing about a joke Blaise had told about their new professor's nose and a Leg-Locking spell managed to hit him.  He quickly wonders who has said anything about his Defence performance to Potter, before he focuses again and answers “If you think you’re going to deserve my help by insulting me, you need to think again Potter. I do not need your help, whatever you may believe. Now move out of my way before I lose my patience and hex you.” They both know it’s an empty threat. Draco wouldn’t risk the fragile peace he has achieved at school by attacking the Golden Boy.

Anyway, it seems to work on Potter, because the Gryffindor steps aside and lets Draco escape promptly.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

After another disaster in Potions, this time with Potter and Longbottom working together, Draco thinks Potter might really need his help. However, Draco is not ready to give it. Even if he _were_ to assist Potter in his Potion attempts, he’s not even sure Potter would be capable of getting any better it. But maybe it’s time for Draco to think of something Potter can get him.

He could ask for that invisibility cape of his. But Draco is pretty sure Potter would never part with it even for a short amount of time.

He wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t need Potter’s help in Defence. Draco is trying to get into a Potions Mastery and what he needs is Outstanding NEWT grades in Potions, Charms and Herbology. But maybe he can think of something else.

When Potter next comes to him, he’s ready to accept the offer. Draco knows what he wants, but he would like to see Potter beg a little. He is a Malfoy after all.

“Malfoy, listen”, Potter begins, nervously looking at his hands. “I really need an EE in Potions if I want to have a chance at getting into Auror Training. And I know that we’ve had our differences but my future is at stake here.”

As Draco is not outright rejecting Potter, the other boy looks a little bit confused, so Draco says “Continue.”

“Right, erm, well. So, what I mean is, I know we can reach an agreement, there must be something you need."

"I don't know. What are you willing to offer exactly?", Draco says, trying to make Potter go his way.

Potter looks really desperate when he says, "Really, you can chose anything that I have to offer and it’s yours, if you accept to help me.”

Not resisting the bait, Draco raises an eyebrow and simply says “Anything?”

Potter is flushing so brightly he looks like a Weasley and he starts babbling “Well, I mean… I don’t know, but… You must need… You see…”

Feeling like Potter’s has been embarassed enough Draco says, “I want to know how to cast a Patronus.”

Somehow looking reassured that Draco's demand is not outrageous, Potter pulls himself together, and says “You want me to teach you?”. At Draco’s once again raised eyebrow he adds, “Right, yes. Good. Yes, I mean, I can do that. Great.”

“I guess I’ll see you tonight then. Seven at the Potions classroom. Do not be late, Potter.”

As Draco leaves, he feels like maybe he made a mistake. Maybe he doesn’t need Potter to teach him this. Besides, he's got a feeling that their little arrangement can only end in a disaster.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Draco is standing against the wall, waiting for Potter to arrive. He hears him long before he show up, running towards Draco.

“Sorry, I had to ask McGonagall for this,” he says, still panting and trying to catch his breath.

“And what exactly is _this_?” Draco asks, not hiding his scorn.

“It’s Snape’s old office key”, Potter answers without seeming to comprehend the enormity of what he just said. Nobody’s used Severus’ office since he died. When Slughorn taught Potions, he had his own office on the third floor, where he could hold his Slug Club. And when Professor Clearwater replaced him, she simply took Slughorn’s office. Draco has wanted to see Severus’ office for months but didn't have the gut to ask McGonagall.

As Draco is still standing there gobsmacked, Potter decides to lead the way and heads towards the other end of the Potions corridor. Draco is slowly coming back to his senses and follows Potter, until they enter the quiet room. He stops as he walks in, overwhelmed by the wave of emotion that’s flowing over him.

He remembers all the times he came here, from the very first time as an eleven years old, to the last, only a few hours before Severus’ death. The smell of the potions ingredients is overwhelming, he can’t help but feel devastatingly sad, his eyes stinging. But he also feels quite protective of all the memories and trinkets that Severus gathered over the years. You would have to know him to know what they all meant, but Draco did. Or at least he thought he did.

Potter is silently observing the small library that contains Potions books that he couldn’t understand if he tried. Decicing to take advantage of Potter’s inattention, Draco swipes away his unshed tears and declares, “Tonight, you’ll be brewing a Shrinking Potion. I believe we can find all the ingredients we need in here. I’ll be observing your technique. Proceed.”

Potter hesitates and Draco sees he’s about to ask a stupid question. He seems to decide against it, takes out his cauldron and his cutting knife, and then gathers the ingredients.

“I hope you knife is sharpened, Potter.”

Potter winces as he is cutting the Shrivelfigs and the result looks more like a puddle than nicely diced cubes.

“Do not touch the caterpillars with your hands!” Draco interjects.

“Your daisy roots are choped too thinly.”

“Do you not know how to read, Potter? You have to shake this rat’s spleen before you add it to the Potions.”

“A splash doesn’t mean half the vial!”

Potter is looking truly dejected. He hasn’t said a word during the whole preparation and the potion’s color is as far away from the expected lime green as possible. Draco doesn't want to waste anymore of his time on this truly unskilled student.

“Well, you have a lot to work on, Potter. We’ll try another potion next time, but you better prepare yourself beforehand,” Draco says before leaving and getting back to his dorm room.

He should have known, Potter is really hopeless.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“I can’t believe how bad he is at this. Truly, I’m sure any first year would be better than him”, Draco says.

“Don’t you think you’re overplaying it, Draco? He can’t be that bad. I remember Sixth Year and Slughorn couldn’t stop saying how great he was”, Blaise says while eating his fare share of toast.

“First of all Blaise, don’t speak with food in your mouth, it’s highly unbecoming”, Draco says scornfully while Blaise rolls his eyes. “Second, Severus told me that during Sixth Year, Potter cheated. He had found Severus’ old textbook with notes in it. At least at the time, he knew how to follow instructions. I swear to you, I’m not even sure he could recognize a Kneazle from a Crup without Granger whispering the answer to him.”

Pansy laughs loudly and Draco wants to smile. But then he sees Potter at the other end of the Hall, speaking with his friends, laughing and happily bickering with Weasley and Granger. He feels exasperated at the Gryffindor, still somehow hoping that the session they have planned tonight will be less of a catastrophe than the one from the previous evening.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When Draco gets in the Room of Requirement, Potter is already there.

The room is quite spacious, more so than is needed for this kind of lesson, Draco finds. There are two confortable armchairs and a small table, standing next to an open fire. Potter is quietly sipping a cup of tea, as if he’s got all the time in the world. Something about the relaxed state of the other boy makes Draco’s blood boil. But when Potter sees him, his jaw suddenly tenses. _That's great_ , Draco thinks, _I don't see why I should be the only one being nervous about all this._

“Malfoy,” the Gryffindor says.

“Potter. Are we going to work or are you planning on spending your evening drinking tea?” Draco says crossly.

Potter sighs heavily and stands up. “As you wish.” The other boy looks directly into Draco’s eyes and he feels like squirming under the intense glance, “So I guess you know about the memory, the wand move and the incantation.”

“Yes.”

“You must really chose a very happy memory, though. It can’t just be something nice that happened to you or just a vague memory.”

“I know all this, Potter,” Draco snarls. Potter might be able to cast a corporeal Patronus but he needn’t be so patronizing about it.

“Then just think about your memory and try to cast the spell.”

Draco concentrates. He knows just what he’s going to think about. He tries to remember the atmosphere of that day : the light passing through the leaves, the smell of daffodils blooming, the sound of Mother’s birds chirping. He remembers how innocent he was on that day. How pure and peaceful.

“Expecto Patronum!” he casts. A small silver mist gets out of his wand but after a few instants it disappears.

“It’s okay not to manage at first, it demands a lot of…”

“I know”, Draco cuts Potter before he finishes. He looks exasperated but Draco doesn’t care.

This time, he closes his eyes as tries to remember that day. The feeling of happiness that he should experience seems so far away right now. How can he think of Severus and be happy. The sense of loss is so acute for a second that he feels like he’s about to cry and crumble to the floor. But Potter is here. Potter who never understood Severus, Potter who never even tried to be Draco’s friend, Potter who thinks he’s better than everyone. Draco holds back his tears, and focuses. The appeasing light, the smooth smell, the quiet sounds.  

“Expecto Patronum!” he says, opening his eyes at last. This time, nothing happens. He tries again “Expecto Patronum!”, to the same outcome. He can’t even produce the small silver mist anymore.

“Maybe your memory is not happy enough. What was it?” asks Potter.

Draco turns to him, “It is my happiest memory, so don’t you dare. And if you think I trust you enough to tell you about it, you’re sorely mistaken, Potter.”

On this, he once again exits a room leaving Potter behind. He doesn’t care what Potter thinks. And he’s almost ready to cancels all of their “lessons”. But he feels he owes it to himself to finish what he’s begun. Potter will have his EE in Potions, and he will know how to cast a Patronus before the end of the year. No matter how many dreading nights they have to spend on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you see, this chapter was from Draco's point of view. I think I'll continue on alternating between chapters, even if it was frustrating not beeing able to describe what Harry felt!


	3. Exhausting Enmity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lessons are not going well, and Harry feels like he should quit. How can he and Malfoy manage to work together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TW] : a little bit of talk about death here.

This is supposed to be the third Potion’s “lesson” that Harry is having with Malfoy. Today, they’re trying, - or at least _Harry_ is trying, to brew Felix Felicis. But right now, Harry is not feeling so lucky.

It seems that under pressure, the instructions, the ingredients, everything gets mixed up in Harry’s head. Whenever Malfoy enters the room he can’t seem to concentrate on what he’s supposed to do. The previous sessions have been catastrophic : not a single potion has turned out well. Last time Malfoy prevented his cauldron from exploding, by grabing Harry’s wrist seconds before he added the last ingredient. It wasn’t even really his fault, how could he guess that the had to thoroughly wash the dried  bat eyes before adding it to the Potion?

He hears someone approaching, and as he raises his eyes, he sees Malfoy walking in as if he owns the room. The Slytherin always has a very sad look whenever he gets into Snape’s old office. It’s true he had seemed to be Snape’s favorite student, but how close could they really have been? Even if their old Potions Professor had killed Dumbledore, taking Malfoy’s place, he had done it on Dumbledore’s order hadn’t he?

“What are you looking at, Potter?”

Harry steps out of his daydreaming. They’re here to work on Potions, nothing more. He doesn’t care about Malfoy, Snape, or anything concerning the two of them for that matter. “Nothing. So, Felix Felicis today?”

“As we said on Monday, yes,” Malfoy said curtly. “Are you waiting for the Murtlap Tentacula to rot?”

This is as good as an order to begin the potion. Harry tries to concentrate, but he can hear the Slytherin’s heavy sighs and “Tsks”. Malfoy is acting very much like Snape used to. Harry is not sure he can continue trying to work on this for much longer. After all, the goal of those sessions was for Harry to get better at Potion, not spend two hours every other day being belittled by Malfoy at every turn. As he gets to the penultimate instruction, he reads he has to “stir vigorously”. He turn the stiring rod so quickly and vehemently that the liquid goes over the edge and half the potion is lost.

“How obtuse can you be, really?” Malfoy says, clearly exasperated. “It looks like you cannot even understand simple physics! I’m starting to believe you’re beyond any help.”

Harry doesn’t answer Malfoy’s remarks. But this time it’s too much to bear. He looks angrily at Malfoy and he escapes the room without a word, almost running to the Eighth Year Dorm room he shares with Ron, Neville and Terry. He gets into the shower and tries to clear his head. He suddenly realizes that in his haste to leave, he didn’t retrieve any of his tools or ingredients, and he left Snape’s office key on the work desk. Malfoy is probably going to give him hell about it, but he hardly minds. The blond boy has been nothing but a nuisance since the very beginning and Harry doesn’t want to bother anymore.

Why is he doing it anyway? To become an Auror, a career he has multiple doubts about, where he’ll have to go on missions, run after Dark Wizards, hex people, and probably sometimes kill some? He feels suddendly dispirited about the whole situation. Maybe a good night’s sleep will clear his mind. Harry certainly hopes so.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“It was the worst idea ever.”

“Come on Harry, it can’t be that bad”, Hermione says dismissively. She isn’t really listening, he notices. Instead she’s eyeing Ron eating his peas. “Can you be more disgusting, Ron? You shovel the food in your mouth like you haven’t eaten in month!”

The other Gryffindor looks back at his girlfriend sheepishly and begins to eat more slowly.

“I’m telling you, Hermione, Malfoy is the worst. I want to find a Timerturner and go back to last week and convince myself never to ask him for help. Ever”, Harry says vehemently.

“Mate,” Ron says, “I’m pretty sure that if you could go back in time they’d be more important things to do.” At Harry’s stricken look, he adds, “What I mean is, he might be your biggest problem right now but you have to put things into perspective.”

Hermione and Harry are both giving a surprised glance at Ron, before looking at each other. In the last six months, Ron really has changed. The redhead boy has become unexpectedly insightful, always being attentive and thoughtful towards their group of friends. Harry is not sure what triggered this change of attitude, but he believes Fred’s death had a bigger impact on Ron than on anyone else, George excluded. The youngest Weasley boy has stayed the same in many ways : he still protects his friends, eats like a bottomless pit and is still the Chudley Cannon’s biggest fan. But Harry likes this new Ron, more confident, and just… Happier. Being a war hero probably changed his vision of himself, and the way some First Years look at him with adoration might have something to do with it. Still, Ron has grown. As Hermione did. As Ginny did. As Harry definitely should.

“Yeah okay, it’s not the worst thing on earth”, Harry admits. “But at this rate, I’m pretty sure I’ll never pass the Potions NEWT. I don’t think I improved at all or even learned anything.”

“Are you spending the lessons fighting each other? Maybe you should try to be nicer to him and not react to his taunts”, Hermione says ignoringly.

“But that’s exactly what I’ve done! I’ve not reacted to any of his criticism or to his insults or to anything that’s unfair.”

“So basically, you just sat there sulkily and did the same mistakes over and over again?” Ginny asks. Harry hadn’t even noticed she had arrived. He looks at her with a puzzled look on his face.

“And what would you have me do?”

“I don’t know, you could at least ask him questions, or ask advice. Or even speak up when you think what he’s saying is unfair”, Ginny simply answers.

“That’s the thing, though. He’ll never listen to me. He already thinks he knows everything about me, that I’m arrogant and stupid.”

“You have to be the bigger man in this situation, mate”, Ron interjects. “You have to stop pouting and believe in yourself a little. You _did_ have an EE at your Potions OWL. You’re not that incompetent.”

“What about the sessions where you teach him about the Patronus Charm?” Hermione says encouragingly. “You were really great at teaching during the DA. Surely, this is going better.”

“That’s also what I thought!”, Harry says fiercely. “But every time I try to say something, he eithers says ‘I know, Potter’ or simply ignores me. I don’t even know if he really wants to learn.”

“I read in a book...” Hermione begins, and as Harry is rolling his eyes, she continues “Hear me out! It’s a teaching method where you always give only positive feedback. You reward the effort of the students with kind words and you always highlight the progress they’ve made. It’s supposed to boost their confidence and create a respectful teacher-student relationship. I know yours and Malfoy’s relationship is not particularly friendly at the moment but you ought to give it a go.”

Harry nods, but he’s not sure he’s capable of so much patience with Malfoy.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Expecto Patronum!”

Once again a very small mist goes out of Malfoy’s wand but last only a few seconds. Harry decides they’re never going to make it if he doesn’t try to be an adult about this. Remembering Hermione’s advice, he says “Okay, this was better than last time, I think it held for a few seconds longer.”

“Don’t try to utter nice things when you obviously don’t mean it”, the blond retorts. “I don’t need your pity, Potter”.

And this time, Harry’s had it. If making efforts trying to be nice and encouraging is not going to improve the situation, he can be as nasty as Malfoy.

“Yeah, you need it, Malfoy. Because you’re making absolutely no effort here. How many times will you try before you begin to listen to my advice?”

“I don’t need your ‘advice’ Potter. Everything you said in the past lesson, I could have read for myself in our forsacken DADA book, thank you very much.”

“If you don’t need my advice, then why are you here? You think you’re so much better than everyone Malfoy, that you don’t need anyone, but guess what, you can’t even manage a spell that more than half the students in our year know how to cast! I know because I taught them myself!”

“And I’m the one who thinks I’m better than everyone, Potter? You are the worst teacher I ever had, and that’s taking fucking Trelawney into account!” Malfoy says, almost screaming. “I don’t know why I even accepted to help you, it’s gotten me nowhere! You’re a waste of breath. You’re an arrogant prick, and you think you’re better than me, because I’m a Slytherin scum, right?”

“This has nothing to do with you being a Slytherin, you dumbass! And everything to do with the fact that you’re trying to behave like fucking Snape during our Potions lesson, when nothing he ever did encouraged me to learn!”

“Don’t you _dare_ insult Severus!”, Malfoy says. Harry’s never seen him this furious, not even during the Sixth Year Bathroom event. “He was twice the man you ever will be, and he might not have been a Gryffindor, but he was brave! You’d not even be here, if not for him!”

“I KNOW!” Harry shouts. This seems to stop Malfoy short. He looks so surprised and says nothing. “I know”, Harry says again after a few seconds have passed.

Harry’s hesitating for a few seconds. Is it really okay to tell Malfoy about his Mum and Snape’s relationship? A dying man’s confession isn’t really something you’re supposed to tell anyone, right?

But Malfoy isn’t anyone. He’s probably known Snape for his whole life and they had a relationship stronger than just professor and student, or so it seemed. Seeing how Malfoy is silent, still gobsmacked at Harry’s screamed words, he takes his decision. “You might want to know that before Snape died, he told me everything about his involvement with Voldemort. More like showed me. His reasons and all.”

“Why would he even tell _you_ all this?”, Malfoy says aggressively.

“I needed the information that he shared, to defeat Voldemort. Without him, I know I wouldn’t be here, and neither would a lot of people in this castle. I _am_ grateful to him. And even if I will not take back what I said about him being a terrible teacher, because he was, I know he was brave and he sacrificed a lot.”

Malfoy doesn’t say anything for a long time. For the first time, Harry really has time to look at him. The white blond strands of his hair are falling nicely in front of his eyes, and his grey eyes look as lost as intense. Malfoy has high cheekbones and the word aristocratic seems to have been created for him. He’s not as pointy as he used to be, not sickingly thin as he was on the day of the Battle of Hogwarts. Once again Harry has to focus back on the situation, when after taking a deep breath, Malfoy says, “He was my godfather, you know.”

No, Harry hadn’t known. And suddenly, it all makes sense : the way Malfoy was so protective of Snape’s virtue, that they had seemed so close and even that Snape had so easily accepted to protect Malfoy during Sixth Year. Suddenly, he remembers the grief he’d felt at losing Sirius, feeling incapacited to do anything for weeks, trying to memorize everything he knew about the man he’d barely had time to connect with. And he had known Sirius for two years, not for whole his life as Malfoy had. “I’m so sorry”, Harry says, “I really didn’t know. No one should have to lose the people they love so early.”

Malfoy looks taken aback at the apology. The blond boy is not finished with the conversation, biting his lip, he’s looking down, probably wondering if he can ask Harry about what Snape revealed.

“He shared some Pensieve memories with me actually”, and as Harry says this, Malfoy looks so envious and so sad at the same time, that he decides to tell him the whole truth. That’s what he would have liked : someone to tell him about Sirius, about everything his godfather had been through. “Snape knew my mum since they were kids. Since before Hogwarts actually. They were living in the same neighborhood and once, Snape saw my mum doing accidental magic and they bonded over that. He was the only wizard she knew before going to Hogwarts. And he fell in love with her, never really stopped loving her even when she got together with my dad.

“I don’t know exactly what happened then. During the First War, when Snape was a Death Eater, he betrayed my mum without knowing, by giving Voldemort some intel. When he realized what he’d done, he went to Dumbledore and begged him to protect her, accepting in exchange to stay in Hogwarts as a teacher. He was in Dumbledore’s confidence before he died and they knew how to defeat Voldemort, only not quite capable of doing it. He tried to protect me in memory of my mum for the rest of his life. And it was actually Dumbledore who asked him to kill him, instead of it being you.” At this, Malfoy gasps. Harry guesses that he had probably felt guilty for forcing his godfather to kill the Headmaster in his place. “Dumbledore was already dying at the time and he wouldn’t have last much longer”, Harry says with his throat tied in a knot. He would also have liked to have known all this at the time.

Malfoy is silent once again. He must need time to come to term with the revelation. After all, he might have loved his godfather, but loving unconditionnally doesn’t prevent you from being critical. “Severus was more of a father to me than my father ever was”, Malfoy finally says. “He came to visit me very often when I was a boy. And he might have not shown his affection in a typical way, but I always knew that he loved me and that he was proud of me. It’s true that without him, we might have not won the war. But without him, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I know how little you think of me, Potter, but just imagine what could have happened to me without Severus.”

Harry has never seen Malfoy look so sad. He’s seen angry, pissed, enraged, sneering, mocking, exasperated faces from the other boy. But never a truly honest emotion. And he feels embarrassed that the Slytherin is being so open right now. Maybe it’s time for something new between them.

“I don’t think of you as a bad person, Malfoy”, Harry says.

“Oh, don’t you?” he answers, disbelieving. “You certainely act like it.”

“Fine, I find you annoying sometimes, and I know we don’t always get on with each other.”

"That's the understatement of the year, Potter."

“But I know," Harry continues as if Malfoy hadn't interrupted, "that you did what you did for reasons. And I know you’ve changed, or tried to at least.”

Once again Malfoy looks surprised. But Harry is not finished. “I really need your help in Potions, you know. I’m not doing it just to spite you. But I feel like maybe you should be more patient with me? I know I can do it with the right amount of practice, but it won’t happen if you always sneer at me at my every move instead of trying to really teach me.”

Malfoy takes his time before saying “Okay, I can try. But you have to do the same with me for the Patronus lessons. Just because you managed to cast your Patronus easily when you were only thirteen doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. I constantly feel as if you’re judging me, Potter, and that doesn’t feel like a healthy learning environment either.”

Harry is shocked at hearing this. How can Malfoy be such a contradiction? It feels like the blond considers Harry the most idiotic boy on earth and at the same time, he believes the most complicated spellcasting comes easily to Harry. Deciding to keep his reflections for himself for the moment, he tries to be diplomatic.

“So, I think we need to start again.” Harry says. He holds out his hand to Malfoy as a peace offering and adds, “Let’s try being friends?”

After what feels like an eternity but has probably been just a few seconds, Malfoy takes Harry’s hand and shakes it, saying “I think we ought to at least try.”

Harry smiles and Malfoy shyly smiles back. This can definitely work. Definitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I might have taken a few liberties for the detailed version of Snape and Lily's past but it's as I remember it from the last time I read the Deathly Hollows and seen the movie. But overall, it's the same I guess.


	4. Elusive Enigma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco is supposed to be friends with Potter now. It is really going to help their lessons going better?

“Aren’t you going to eat that?”

Draco turns to his left and looks at Blaise’s questionning expression. “Can’t you just take more scrambled eggs from the plate over there?”

“If you’re not going to eat it, it’s a good thing not to waste”, Blaise answers logically. “What’s with you today anyway? It’s not like you to pick aroud your food.”

“Are you playing the worried mother hen with me, Zabini? I don’t need to be taken care of, thank you very much”, Draco answers dismissively. But Blaise doesn’t look like he’s going to give up on the matter.

“It’s not just the food though. You’ve been pensive and distracted since last Wednesday. Has something happened?”

Draco wishes he knew how to answer that question. In a way, _yes,_ something has happened. After years of craving it, Draco has finally obtained Potter’s friendship. And the changes that he’s observing in the other boy are astounding. Whenever they meet in the corridors, the Gryffindor now always smiles at him. Potter even _had a chat_ with him in yesterday’s Transfiguration classroom, discussing what kind of Glamour Charm he’d want to master.

It’s like he’s not the same boy anymore, and once they decided they should try to be friends, Potter completely changed his attitude. And Draco feels like he might be changing too. He doesn’t even sneer as much at Potter anymore.

Looking in the direction of the Gryffindor table, he observes the Golden Boy. He’s now discovering things he never let himself notice before. First of all, Potter's shoulders are broader than before, but he doesn’t look buff. The other boy’s also taken some weight and it looks good on him, like he finally eats enough. Potter’s hair is the same bird’s nest it was when he arrived to Hogwarts in First Year, but his face has aged and he now looks more like a man than the boy who left Hogwarts at the end of Sixth Year.

Right now, Potter has an empty look in his green eyes that shakes Draco in the most unlikely of ways. The Slytherin feels his stomach dropping at the sight of it. Is Potter having troubles? Is he worried about something? And suddenly, the look is gone as Granger turns to him and starts ranting about something. He looks at her with a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Something probably _is_ bothering him then. But what?

“Draco, I know you’ve always dreamt to be a Gryffindor, but it won’t happen just by intensely staring at Potter like that”, Blaise says, bringing the blond boy back to reality.

“I was not staring. Merely observing”, Draco retorts.

“If that’s what you want to tell yourself…”, Blaise jokes.

Draco wants to find the reason Potter looks so unsettled. After all, that’s what friends are supposed to do for each other, right?

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Are you ready to try again?”, Potter asks.

He’s looking at Draco with calm eyes, a small smile on his face and an encouraging expression. Draco simply nodds and closes his eyes. He thinks about his memory. About Severus. About how he always trusted him. He takes a deep breath and casts, “Expecto Patronum!”

The silvery mist is getting out of Draco’s wand and trying to take a more solid form, but it quickly dissipates. Draco feels defeated. He really hasn’t improved much since the first time they tried it together.

“That was better”, Potter says.

“We both know it’s not true”, Draco drawls. He hesitates, but he already feels so embarrassed that it can’t really get any worse. “Was it easy for you?”

“No. I meant to tell you last time, because you said I did it effortlessly, but it wasn’t easy. It took me multiple lessons and Professor Lupin helped, and he was a real teacher”, at those words, Potter stops and his face looks so hurt, Draco almost wishes he hadn’t asked. “I’m doing my best here, trying to remember what he taught me, but I’ll never be as good as him. Anyway”, Potter raises his green eyes and looks directly at Draco, looking determined, “it took time, and efforts. And I’m sure you can do it if you keep working on it”, the other boy says with a big smile on his face.

Draco’s heart almost stops. The Gryffindor’s face is glowing, his eyes are fierce and beautiful and Draco should definitely not think about Potter this way. He should not feel as if his legs are about to give way under him. How has he never seen this smile for how beautiful it is?

Draco knows he likes _boys_. He always knew. He is pansexual, but only his closest friends know. Because Malfoys can’t be queer. They marry nice pureblood girls that give birth to heirs.

But surely, he can’t like Potter, can he? They’ve just become friends, and apart from what everybody says, he barely knows the Gryffindor. That’s just not done.

“Come on, try again”, Harry encourages him.

This time, Draco manages to spell a thicker mist and it last for all of ten seconds before dissipating. It finally feels like progress and it’s more than he could hope for for the moment.

“Would you mind…” Potter begins but stops quickly as Draco meets his eyes. “I think it would really help if you told me about the memory you’re using.” When he sees the accusing look in Draco’s eyes, he adds “I mean, it’s not that I think it’s not happy enough but maybe it just hasn’t got the best intention?”

Draco hesitates, but all of a sudden, he sees it as a perfect opportunity to learn more about Potter. “Okay, I’ll tell you if you tell me what memory did it for you.”

“That’s fair”, Potter answers. “I can even tell you about the ones who didn’t work it that helps.” At Draco’s silent nod, he says, “I began with the memory of the first time I got on a broom. I still remember how amazing it felt, the wind in my hair, the freedom of it… And I thought it would be enough for the happiness part. But it didn’t quite work. Then I tried the memory of the first time I learned I was a wizard, and when I visited Diagon Alley. But none of that worked either. Or at least it wasn’t lasting long, a little bit like what you just did. The first memory that really worked was our Quidditch Cup Victory in First Year. It had been seven years since Gryffindor had won and everybody was just so happy. I remember the crowd and the cheer. Really, it was amazing”, Harry says, smiling again. “It has to be a strong memory, yes. But you also have to believe you can do it.”

What a Gryffindor way of seeing it. Believe in yourself and everything will come to you. Well, he can at least try it.

“Are you going to tell me about your memory, then?”, Potter adds before Draco has time to cast his Patronus again.

“Well”, Draco begins. “You better not repeat any of this to anyone, am I clear, Potter?” The green eyed boy assents, so Draco continues. “For my seventh birthday, Severus bought me a gift. He had always told me stories about Potions and from when I was four I had been begging for a Potion Set. So he had had an ebenist carve a special chest with tiny compartments and he had chosen only ingredients that couldn’t be dangerous to mess with. He spent the afternoon teaching me how to cut and prepare the ingredients and we made an Herbicide Potion together. I loved learning about it and he was so encouraging with me. I had never felt so loved or so cared for in my life”, Draco finishes, looking down and trying not to cry.

Potter says nothing. He probably pities Draco for having such a small gift as his best memory. But when Draco looks at him, the Gryffindor looks away, his eyes wet. Draco’s heart is beating faster but he doesn’t want to end the lesson that way. He has to succeed. He takes a big breath and concentrates. He can do this. _He can do this._

“Expecto Patronum!”, he almost shouts, with all his might.

And there it is, a strong shield of silvery white light, looking solid and protecting him from harm.

“You did it! I knew you could!”, Potter shouts. He’s smiling like crazy and when Draco puts his wand down, the other boy suddenly hugs him. It doesn’t last more than three seconds, but Draco feels hot all over. “Haha, that’s great, isn’t it?”, Potter says looking right at Draco, his beautiful green eyes sparkling with delight.

“Yes”, the blond simply answers. He can’t look at Potter anymore, or the other boy might see the look on his face, and he’ll guess. That would end in a disaster.

“Now, I think you’ll just need some more practice and you might even produce a corporeal Patronus! I mean, really that’s great progress for today, and I think we should stop here”, Potter adds.

Draco hopes his disappointment doesn’t show on his face. He doesn’t want Potter to go yet, he wants them to stay here together and… He doesn’t know, just _spend time_ together. He takes his chance and asks, “When did you manage to cast your first corporeal Patronus, then?”

Potter looks at him, surprised, as if Draco has never been interrested in him before. Well he has, but there’s no way he’d tell this to the Gryffindor boy. Potter begins to tell him the story of his godfather Sirius Black - Draco’s cousin, of betrayal by the disgusting Wormtail, of Buckbeak and Sirius’ rescue operation and the Stag Patronus.

Draco is truly amazed. He always thought Potter to be an arrogant lying jerk, when in fact he’s done things amazingly courageous, and all of this at the age of thirteen. He wonders if any of the rumors he heard and passed on over the years had any truth in them. He wants to know everything Potter has done, to get to know him better.

When Potter says it’s getting late and exits the Room of Requirement, Draco stays for a few more minutes. He just wants to go after Potter and speak with him all night long. He wants to see him smile, to _make_ him smile, and to see the emerald green eyes come to life like it did tonight.

Oh, Draco is in so much trouble.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Please don’t tell me you’re really supporting the Cannons”, Draco says laughing.

“Come on. You know there’s always a thrill at the unknown. Maybe they’ll win a game, maybe they won’t. It’s boring loving Puddlemere just because they’re always winning!”, Potter answers jokingly. They’ve just done one of their Potion session and it has gone great. Potter has managed to brew the Shrinking Solution, even if it required a lot of help and advice from Draco. The Slytherin is on cloud nine, happily bickering with Potter. It comes naturally to them, arguing about everything. But it does feel like friendship now, like what he has with Blaise and Pansy.

Potter’s smile fades all of a sudden and he looks worried. Intrigued, Draco tries to understand what just happened when he sees Ginevra Weasley coming from the other end of the corridor. She’s in a conversation with a Sixth Year Hufflepuff Prefect, not even noticing them. Potter lower his eyes, like he doesn’t want the Head Girl to even see them.

Of course. How could Draco have forgotten that. She’s Potter’s girlfriend. Or at least she was. Potter must still be in love with her, with her beautiful red hair, her well-proportionned body, and her… Girlness. Draco hasn’t been thinking at all, Potter is straight, everybody knows this. How could he have begun to even fathom the idea of… No. He won’t go down that road.

And from the look on Potter’s face, the Gryffindor is ashamed of being seen with Draco. This hurts Draco more than he ever wanted to admit to himself. He doesn’t want Potter to be _proud_ to be his friend. But clearly, shame is a different matter. Maybe Draco went ahead of himself. Maybe Potter is just pretending, so Draco continues helping him in Potions.

Draco’s heart sinks and his face shuts. If that’s how Potter wants to play it, Draco can retaliate.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“So how is it going with Potter’s lessons?”, Pansy asks innocently.

“Well. Just… Well”, Draco answers sulkingly. Since he saw Potter’s reaction to the Weaslette, he’s been observing her, and Potter, and their interactions.

They mostly look at each other when the other one is not looking. Like two sicklenly in love teenagers. It makes Draco sick to see them so close all the time, always eating together. Ginevra’s grown into a beautiful women if he’s to be honest. She looks confident and self-assured, and McGonagall probably made the right choice appointing her as Head Girl. But whenever she looks at Potter, she becomes the same scared little girl she was in her First Year, when she was following Potter around like a puppy. She’s pathetic.

“I thought it was going better after you managed that Shield Patronus last time?”, Pansy adds.

“Well it’s not. I despise him and his fucking ‘I’m a perfect Gryffindor’ attitude”, Draco says angrily.

“Who put your knickers in a twist? I’m guessing Potter, but...”

“Shut up Pansy, you know nothing of the situation”, Draco cuts her aggressively.

“Draco Malfoy! Having a crush on a Gryffindor does _not_ allow you to be an ass to your best friend. And should I remind you that I _could_ know something about the situation if you fucking talked to me?”, Pansy retorts.

“You want to know what’s wrong?”, Draco is now hissing, making sure nobody is listening to what he’s saying. “What’s wrong is I’m pretty sure I have a “crush”, as you say, on the fucking Saviour of the Wizarding World. What’s wrong is that he’s using me, only being nice so I help him in Potions so he can become a fucking Auror. What’s _wrong_ is that he’s still in love with Ginevra _Fucking_ Weasley, and she probably is too, and they’ll end up together, getting married, having babies, and I don’t want that because I don’t want to have my heart fucking _broken_. That’s what wrong”, he finished with a short breath, anger and sadness fighting to get the best of him.

Pansy is looking at him with an astonished look on her face. She takes some time to put herself together but finally, she says “Ginny is not in love with Potter. And they definitely won’t end up together.”

“You think you’re the gossip master, but you haven’t seen how they look at each other Pans’. I’m telling you they’re in love and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Pansy looks like she’s about to say something but her face changes and she declares, “I know you have trust issues Draco, and I won’t blame you for them, not completely. But you can’t go on like this, suspecting everyone of the worst without even talking with them. That’s the real reason you’ll end up miserable. I’m your best friend, and always will be. But if you can’t even trust me, then I don’t know if it’s all worth it”, she hasn’t looked that sad since her father was sent to Azkaban. She slowly stands up and leaves the Great Hall without another word.

Yeah, Draco is fucked in so many ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find an exact transcript of the different memories Harry used in his lessons with Remus, so I did what I remembered. Hope you guys liked it!


	5. Embarrassing Endeavour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry had a very strange dream, but can't quite remember it. His relationship with Malfoy is going well, or so he thought?  
> (Finally some action in this chapter ;) )

Harry can feel the breeze on his face. He’s lying in the sun, on the grass and he smells the sweet scent of spring. There’s such a strong sense of peace flowing over him. He slowly sits down and from where he’s lying, he can see the Great Lake. The wind is blowing and there are small waves forming at the surface of the water.

He hears someone calling his name from afar. He must have forgotten his glasses because the other person is really blurry. Harry almost reaches them but they begin walking again before he gets there. “Follow me”, he hears. Harry follows the mysterious person for a few minutes never managing to quite join them. They have blond hair, that much is obvious but he’s not sure of the rest. Suddenly, they’re in front of the broomshed and the stranger simply chooses a broom for Harry, lets it fall on the ground and without waiting for the Gryffindor boy to be ready, they fly away.

It’s been ages since Harry flew, he doesn’t do it so much now because McGonagall decided Eighth Years can’t play in the Quidditch Cup. But the weather is perfect and he still hasn’t seen the stranger’s face. He grabs the broomstick in his hands, and leaves the ground, trying to catch up with the beautiful blond. Once again, he almost gets to them, but he is still a few feet behind. He takes the chance to observe all around him. The Castle looks so great from afar, less frightening than the first time he saw it, but still as magnificent. He can see a Quidditch team training on the Pitch, and a lot of students next to the Lake. It’s going to be so hard leaving Hogwarts at the end of the year. After all, it was his first true home and nowhere else has ever given him the same feeling of deep belonging.

His mystery friend is beginning to go down towards the ground, so Harry follows. He enters the castle after them, and they lead him to the Room of Requirement. But it’s changed since the last time Harry was here. There’s a huge bed in the middle of the room and it feels intimate. The stranger takes his hand and encourages Harry to go on the bed lying on his stomach. The green eyed boy doesn’t hesitate long before lying down. He feels the blond climbing on the bed and straddling his back. Harry doesn’t move but he can feel their warmth and they smell so nice, like sandalwood and lemons.

Without warning Harry feels hands travelling up and down his back, lightly at first, and then with more strength. The massage is making Harry even more relaxed than he already was and it lasts for hours, or so it seems. When the stranger begins to back away, Harry grabs their wrist and they laugh, so sweetly. He finnally looks at their face…

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

… And that’s when he wakes up. He is still relaxed from the dream, and he feels truly happy for no reason at all. He tries to remember the blond from his dream but it feels like he can’t grasp the memory. He sincerely hopes he’ll have the same dream again tonight because right now, he’s never felt better.

As Harry sees that his Dorm Room is empty, he understands he must be late for breakfast. He takes a quick shower, puts his robes on and heads for the Great Hall. He’s starving, like all the flying he did in the dream really happened. He loads his plate with scrambled eggs, bacon and treacle tart.

When he sees Ginny at the other end of the table, he remembers the blond stranger from his dream and realizes that right now he has more longing for this unknown person than for her. He really has botched up this whole situation. Ginny is a great girl and they can’t continue half ignoring, half resenting each other for not putting an end to a non-existent relationship.

He keeps giving her small looks, trying to think of the better way to introduce the conversation. They definitely need to find a private place to have “the talk”. Problem is, Ginny is quite busy, between her Head Girl duties and the NEWTs she’s taking to become a Healer. Maybe now it not the time? _Come on, Potter, you need to take the matter in your own hands and end this crappy situation before anyone gets hurt._

He catches Malfoy looking at him and wonders what he wants. The Slytherin obviously hasn’t noticed Harry has seen him. His blond hair is looking quite messy, and it’s so unlike him. He’s got that angry look on his face, but Harry has no idea why. He’s speaking with Parkinson, and quite furiously at that. The look on his face is getting constricted and he must have said something terrible, for the sadness Harry sees appear in Parkinson’s eyes. She says something to Malfoy, almost crying, slowly gets up and leaves. Malfoy looks defeated and doesn’t stay for much longer before he also leaves the Slytherin Table.

He’s a little worried about the blond boy. Pansy is his best friend, or so he thought. Fighting with your best friend can be pretty tough, oh, Harry knows that. But he’s friends with Malfoy now, so he figures he could go ask him what’s wrong, try being there for him. He’s not sure the other boy will accept his help, but he can at least try.

Harry turns back to Ginny and she also seems to have observed the scene. He quickly looks away from her. This is getting really awkward, and he needs a solution.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

In the end, he doesn't need to find a way to talk to Ginny as she sends him a note during the day.

_Harry,_

_We need to talk. Meet me in my room tonight, in the Head Girl quarters. Be there at 7._

_Ginny_

At least she's straight-forward. Harry spends his afternoon thinking about what he's going to say but he only comes up with an apology for being a shit friend and even a shit boyfriend. He knows that it'll end up like all his serious talks ever went : he'll just improvise and try to do his best.

When he's about to leave the Eighth Year Common Room he meets Hermione and at the look on his face she says, “Harry are you okay? You look like you're going to your death.”

“No. I'm just… Meeting with Ginny.”

“Finally!” Ron says from behind Hermione. At Harry's glare, he adds “Oh come on, you know what I mean. You have been avoiding each other for months. Barely talking to each other. I'm pretty sure whatever the conclusion of your meeting is, both of you are going to feel so much better afterwards.”

Ron is right. Harry knows he is. He gives him a tight hug and says “Thanks Ron, I really needed that.”

“Anytime, mate”, the redhead says. Harry leaves the room and heads to the second floor where Ginny's room is.

He knocks and Ginny quickly opens the door. “Please, come in.”

Harry enters the room and looks around. The colors are Gryffindor all around and Ginny has hung a lot of photos of her family and friends on the walls. There is a Harpies’ banner on the wall and lots of Healing book on her shelves. Harry had never even really noticed she was that interested in Healing. There are maybe twenty books going from small injuries to Magical Heart Surgery. He doesn't really know that much about his ex-girlfriend does he?

“Come on Harry, sit down.” They sit together in front of the fire but they don't look at each other. Harry almost finds the courage to speak up, but Ginny clears her throat and begins to say, “I've been wanting to tell you…”

“No, Ginny, please. Let me.” They both stop speakind and she waves him to continue. “I'm really sorry, Gin. It's been months and I haven't really managed to think about my future or take any decision. But it's been long enough and the last thing I want is to hurt you. I know when we broke up, I told you it was because of Voldemort and it really was at the time. But I guess you expected us to get back together. And after the war I couldn't face you. I couldn't face the future everyone wanted for me. Because I didn't want it anymore. And I still don't. I love you Gin. I really do. But not the way I used to. I'm pretty sure you felt it too, that things between us can't go back to the way they were but… I guess I should have realized sooner and done the right thing. I'm sorry.” During all of this, Harry hasn't looked at Ginny once. He keeps staring at his hands anxiously, fearing that it's too late, he really hurt her and they can't be friends anymore.

“Harry,” Ginny says. “You really don't need to apologise. I also should have forced this discussion months ago, but I didn't. Maybe for not quite the same reasons. I guess I wanted to give you space. Everybody is already expecting so much of you just because of who you are, I didn't want to be this kind of person.” Harry’s heart is warming. Ginny's still the same great girl she ever was, seeing him for who he really is and trying to protect him. He’s not sure he ever deserved her. “Actually I asked you to come today because I had a small announcement to make.”

“What is it?”, Harry asks, surprised. When she hesitates, he adds, “You know you can tell me anything, Gin, you always can.”

Taking a deep breath, Ginny says, “I'm seeing someone. And we've been quiet about it but I think it's getting pretty serious and even if we're not going to shout it in the Great Hall, we both agreed to tell our friends about it.”

“Ginny! I'm so happy for you! It's really great! Who is it?”

“I'd rather not tell you right now. But I promise I will. Soon.”

“Okay”, Harry says, a little bit disappointed. But it's not the time to be overly curious. “You look happy Gin. That's all I really wanted for you, you know.”

“I know.”

He can’t help but ask, “Are you in love?”

Ginny blushes furiously before she says “I don't know. I think I might be.”

They just smile at each other for a while before Harry takes his cue and leaves. This really went better than he expected.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When Harry arrives in the Potion's office, Malfoy is already there waiting, reading one of Snape’s old books. There is a small light coming from a back window and it falls on the Slytherin shoulders, making him look ethereal. There is something so familiar about Malfoy right now, but Harry can’t manage to grasp what it is exactly. His hair is parted on the side, and it gives it an asymmetric look, providing some kind of balance to the natural angles of his face. He is wearing a slight frown, probably concentrating on some complicated Potions theory while waiting for Harry to arrive. Malfoy is quite good looking if Harry is honest, and he smiles at the idea.

He might have been standing there observing Malfoy for a few minutes, but the other boy suddenly lifts his eyes and his face takes a completely different expression at the sight of the Gryffindor. He looks both angry and disappointed. “You’re late, Potter”, Malfoy says.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I was with Ginny.” The sad look on Malfoy face is heart-breaking, but it lasts for such a short time that Harry could have missed it if he had blinked.

“If you wanted to spend time with your girlfriend, Potter, the least you could do was to send me an owl. I wouldn’t have waited here for you meaninglessly. You might think that the world revolves around you but I _have_ NEWTs to work on, and I can’t spend time simply being ready to serve your every whim”, Malfoy says angrily.

“No!” he says quickly. “I mean, I don’t thing the world revolves around me or that you should be at my disposal. And Ginny is… I mean that’s kind of what I went to see her for… Not that it’s of any interest to you but… What I mean is that she’s not my girlfriend. Hasn’t been for almost two years.”

Malfoy’s cold mask doesn’t seem to leave his face, but he appears to be more relaxed. “Okay Potter. Just don’t be late anymore. Are you ready for the Felix Felicis?”, he asks more gently.

Harry smiles and nods. He gathers all the ingredients he needs and begins to prepare the Potion. He’s concentrating on the chopping, and the cutting. He stirs slowly like Malfoy showed him last time.

“Be careful, Potter,” Malfoy says softy, “Next step is ‘Sprinkling the powdered common rue’. If you want the Potion to be homogeneous, you need to sprinkle it in a round shape, not put everything in the middle. Then, you stir 2 times clockwise and 2 times anticlockwise.”  

Harry does just what the Slytherin says, thinking that their Potion lessons never went that well before. He feels so much more at ease with Malfoy now that they decided to be friends. He didn’t think they did, but they do have a lot of things in common, and he loves chatting with the blond boy. Blond… There’s something he should remember, but what?

“Please, this time when you stir vigorously, don’t spill the potion on the side”, Malfoy says with a small smile. “The trick is to begin stirring in the middle, then increase in a bigger circle, while not loosing the speed of your wrist. Yes, like that,” Malfoy encourages him.

The potion is almost finished, and Harry cast the closing spell “ _Felixempra!_ ” The liquid becomes molten gold in colour and small droplets leap like goldfish above the potion's surface.

“Congratulations, you did it!”, Malfoy smiles widely, looking at Harry with joy in his eyes and suddenly it hits him.

It’s Malfoy. The stranger from the dream. The blond. The person he felt so relaxed with. He’s been dreaming about _Malfoy?_ Of all people? He remembers the joy at flying with dream-Malfoy, the run around the castle and the… The massage. He dreamt he had Malfoy’s hand all over him, massaging the tension and making him feel more relaxed than he’s been in years. It can’t… He can’t… What does it _mean?_

“Potter, are you okay? You look really pale”, Malfoy says, abruptly bringing him back to reality. The other boy looks worried, worried about Harry. How has he not noticed how their relationship changed? He thought they were just friends, but obviously he feels more for Malfoy than just friendship. It’s true he’s been observing him and wondering how the blond boy was feeling, what he was doing, wondering if they could spend more time together…

This is too confusing. Harry has to leave the room. Right now. “I need to go”, he just says, heading for the door.

“Potter, wait!”, Malfoy shouts and Harry stops. “What’s going on? You did great, and all of a sudden you need to go? Don’t you want to at least talk about it?”, he says with a look of deep longing on his face.

“I just… I can’t. I really need to go.” But Malfoy has come closer and he’s forcing Harry to look into his eyes.

“I thought we were friends”, he says sadly. “We can talk about other things than Potions and Patronuses and Quidditch. You can talk to me if you need...”

And this is so unlike the Malfoy Harry used to know. So unlike the arrogant, sneering, pureblood boy who thought he was better than everyone. The Slytherin wants to help Harry, to be there for him. Harry feels his heart melting and before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s taking a step closer to Malfoy.

He cups the blond’s face in his hands and presses his lips to his. This feels so right. Malfoy smells so nice and his skin is softer than Harry had thought. His lips are not chapped like Harry’s, they’re velvety and tasty and… And Malfoy is not kissing back.

Oh God. What has he done. He steps back, sees the thunderstruck look on the other boy’s figure and he regrets it immediately.

So Harry does the only thing he knows will put an end to this horrible situation.

He runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Harry kisses Draco, and it's not that much of a surprise I guess.  
> Next chapter will be Draco reaction, be prepared. <3


	6. Everlasting Estrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potter has just kissed him, but ran away right after. Is it going to end well for the both of them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter today, but it waaaas needed !!  
> This chapter is a little bit angsty. I'm sorry about it, but I think it's needed if we want both Harry and Draco to realize what they're in.  
> I hope you enjoy it anyway <3

“Congratulations, you did it!”, Draco says happily. Finally, he thinks. Maybe he’s not that bad a teacher after all. Okay, maybe the gold of the potion could be a little more sparkling, but Potter doesn’t need an O on his exam, only an EE. They should probably tidy everything in here and then, it woulnd’t even be that late, they could talk or something.

After all, Potter is not going out with the Weaslette, so maybe Draco has a chance. Probably not. Breaking up with his girlfriend doesn’t make him gay. He’ll just have to handle the situation smoothly.

But when he sees that Potter is not helping him cleaning their working station, he turns around and Potter looks thunderstruck. “Potter, are you okay? You look really pale”, Draco says. This seems to get Potter out of his trance, but he still looks really bad. Like he’s afraid of something.

“I need to go”, the Gryffindor says before turning and going for the door. Draco feels so lost, where does the other boy suddenly need to go?

“Potter, wait!”, he says before the other boy manages to get out. Potter stops but doesn’t really seem to be open to communication right now. “What’s going on? You did great, and all of a sudden you need to go? Don’t you want to at least talk about it?”, Draco says, really hoping the desperation doesn’t show on his face or in his voice. He _really_ wants Potter to stay, to spent time here, for them to do something other than school work.

“I just… I can’t. I really need to go”, Potter states without looking at him. He looks like shit, like he just heard Hogwarts is closing, the sadness and the anguish on his face are breaking Draco’s heart a little. He knows he shouldn’t let a few words from the Gryffindor affect him that much, but he’s in too deep.  

“I thought we were friends”, he says, trying to be strong. “We can talk about other things than Potions and Patronuses and Quidditch. You can talk to me if you need...”, you can tell my anything and I’ll listen and I may be shit, but I can be a pretty damn good friend if you need me. That’s what he wants to say, but he’s too scared. He can’t bare his heart so thoroughly, the risk is simply too high.

Suddenly, Potter’s eyes are looking so much kinder, and he steps towards Draco. He’s so close right now, and there’s no need for this. He’s not going to hit him, right?

The dark haired boy looks at his feet but then he raises his hands to Draco, and cups his face. The warmth of his hands is everything he thought it would be but he doesn’t have much time thinking about it before Potter kisses him.

Harry. Fucking. Potter. Is _kissing_ him. Where did this come from? Potter is gay? And even if this is true, Potter is attracted to him? Draco’s brain is overflowing with information. What the hell does it mean? Before he has time to snap out of it, Potter is stepping away and Draco begins to panic. He didn’t even have time to kiss back, the shock prevented him from even enjoying it.

Potter is no better than Draco. He looks as if he made the biggest mistake of his life. Actually, he has the same expression of panic he had after he cast the _Sectumsempra_ spell. And this is not something Draco wants to remember right now.

Before Draco has the time to say anything, Potter is running away as fast as he can. He calls after him, “Potter!”, but this time the other boy is long gone before Draco even starts moving.

Maybe Potter needs to process this. Maybe he didn’t screw everything up. After all, it took time for Draco to realize his feelings and he’s even sure yet what they mean. He wasn’t really ready to be kissed yet. Still, it felt great, having Potter’s lips against his, even if he didn’t fully appreciate it. He hopes there are more kisses where that came from.

He has such a bad feeling about this.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The following morning, when Draco gets to the Great Hall, he’s not in a great shape. He hasn’t slept much because he’s worried about what Potter is going to say or do today. Maybe he’ll want to speak about it, but the blond is not sure he’s ready for this kind of conversation.

It looks like he doesn’t need to be, as Potter seems to ignore him thoroughly. He blushes slighlty at the sight of Draco, but he still doesn’t acknowledge his presence. When he sits next to Pansy and Blaise at the Slytherin table, the blond is deep in his thoughts and barely notices his best friend filling a plate with his favorite breakfast food. He sips at his tea, and tries to understand what Potter wants, what he should do.

Potter is definitely embarrassed, there’s no doubt about it. But that’s okay, he just doesn’t know that Draco also has feelings for him. Or maybe he felt it, but he’s shy about it and doesn’t want his friends to know yet. Or maybe he even wants them to kiss again and he’s afraid to tell Draco more. Well, he might be Slytherin but he is not completely unfair, and since Potter took the first step, he can make an effort. He’ll just talk to Potter at their Patronus lesson tonight.

The owls are coming and Draco is surprised to see that there’s a letter coming for him. He usually only receives the Prophet, and sometimes a letter from his mum, but he had one of those last Friday. There’s only one poorly written word on it that say _Malfoy_ and Draco knows who this is from. His heart is beginning to beat faster, and he quickly but neatly opens the missive :

_Malfoy,_

_Let’s just stop meeting. My Potions skills got better and you’re not far from the corporeal Patronus. I need to be working on my NEWTs so I can’t waste anymore time._

_HP_

Draco’s mind is blank for a minute. So it’s as he thought. Potter was just using him, waiting to be good enough at Potions before abandonning him completely. He never wanted to be friends at all. As he reads the letter a second time, he realizes Potter actually called him “a waste of time”. He feels like crying, but he can’t, he doesn’t want to give Potter the satisfaction. If Potter doesn’t want to see him anymore, then so be it.

But then, why did Potter kiss him? Could he possibly have heard that he was attracted to boys and tried to mock him this way, then got disgusted? Could he be that cruel?

Draco decides he doesn’t care. He can’t care. He will just ignore him purely and solely. Malfoys don’t get thrown away like old shoes. Potter is going to regret ever taking advantage of him. He closes his fist on the so-called letter and banishes the crumpled result. To him, Potter just doesn’t exist anymore. When Pansy asks him what the letter was, he simply answers “Nothing”, and leaves.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Over the next month, Draco loses himself in studying. After all, his mother is right, if he wants to redeem the Malfoy name, he needs to get good grades. He’s wanted to become a Potions Master like his godfather, but he could get a Ministry job. He could slowly raise to the top, doing politics and getting back at all the people who dared mocking them.

He spends most of his time in the library or in Severus’ old office, of which he kept the key. Potter is ignoring him, so there’s no way in hell he’ll come ask for it now. He’s prepared a schedule for the next two and a half months, and he’s going to be as ready for their final exams as anyone can be. He’s studying so much, he might even beat Granger at this rate.

The days pass peacefully. In the morning he wakes up at six and studies for an hour before going down to breakfast. As he eats by himself, he’s usually done before most of the students even get there, and he has one more hour of study down before the first period. When in class, he utterly ignores all the Gryffindor students. He doesn’t talk much to the other Slytherins either anyway. Then he takes his lunch outside alone, next to the Great Lake. When he’s finished with the afternoon classes he goes to the library. He spends one or two hours there, depending on the kind of books he wants to borrow. Madam Pince still doesn’t let the Eighth Years borrow books from the Restricted Section, so he technically has to stay there for the most complicated work. But as soon as he’s finished with all this, he goes to Severus’ office.

There, he feels like he can be himself. He can let his cold mask of contempt fall, and relax if only a little bit. He has memories of Potter brewing Potions in here and the memory of their kiss… But he has pushed all the rememberings at the very back of his mind, he can’t afford to lose time thinking about futile things. He remembers all the evenings he came here to speak with Severus over the years. Once, the old Potions Master even offered him a small glass of whisky. He felt all grown up at the time, but now that Severus isn’t here anymore, he wonders if he can make it alone. His mother is trying to be supportive but she hardly dares to go out of the Manor these days. Some days he feels so depressed, he can’t remember the last time he laughed.

When he’s usually finished working for the day, at around eleven, he slips inside the Eighth Year dormitory as quietly as he can, ignoring everyone he meets, brushing his teeth and slipping inside his bed without a word. He never sleeps well. He has dreams about a certain green eyed boy telling him he’s the worst person, that he never enjoyed one second spent with him and he wished Draco never existed. And when it’s not Potter who haunts his dreams, it’s Dumbledore and Severus, saying they’d still be alive if it wasn’t for him. Draco often wakes up sweating, feeling like he can’t go back to sleep. Then he begins another day of studying, avoiding everyone and keeping to himself. The end of the year is drawing near anyway, then he’ll just go back to the Manor and he won’t have to avoid people anymore.

One night though, when he’s tired of studying and standing in Severus’ quarters, he notices the corner of a small compartment hidden behind Potions Theory books that are so complicated most people wouldn’t even try reading it. He removes all the books and a simple _Alohomora_ opens the hidden cabinet. Severus must have trusted the entrance door’s protection charm if he did not put something more complex to protect this. What he finds there is a pile of small notebooks. Each of them has a beginning and an end year on it. The oldest is dated from _1980-1982_ and the last one is _1996 -_ . He never finished it, of course. Tears are falling from Draco’s eyes before he even realizes they were coming. He wants to read those. He wants to be able to understand his godfather, his mentor, more than the old Professor ever let him.

Draco decides that if he reads one of the diaries from 1980, he won’t feel too guilty. After all, he had just been born, so maybe he’ll find things about himself. He opens the bundle of pages in the middle and reads :

_August 12th 1980_

_I just got news that the Potter boy was born. End of July as predicted. Harry they called him. It must have been Lily’s idea. I hope the boy looks so much like her that Potter’s paternity will be forgotten. Lily is well or so Dumbledore said. Of course, now they won’t be able to see many people, as they’re hiding from the Dark Lord._

_Lily, my sweet Lily. How I wish I could see you. If only I could hold you in my arms one more time. I know I made a mistake and you probably don’t want to see me. But maybe one day you’ll forgive me and we’ll be friends again. I know nothing more can happen between us. You never loved me, nor will you ever. But at least, being able to see you again will appease my heart. My love for you has no limits, I wish you would know that. Even if this baby isn’t mine, I still wish for you to be happy raising him._

_The Dark Lord has summoned me and I shall go to him tomorrow. He hinted at a secret mission only I could manage…_

Draco stops reading, shocked. This can’t be. Potter told him that Severus was in love with his mother, but this is too much. He was desperate about it! Ready to sacrify his life for a woman who wasn’t even his friend anymore, loving a memory more than a person.

It terrifies Draco. He can’t end up like this, he just can’t. He will forget about Potter, not be bitter about him. He can’t be angry anymore. Anger is still an emotion and the Gryffindor doesn’t deserve even that.

The next month flies by before Draco realizes. He doesn’t go to Severus’ office anymore. He just says in the library with a Notice-Me-Not charm on him, so the other students leave him alone. Their NEWTs exams are in three weeks, and he’s getting more ready by the hour. Nothing can stop him.  

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“This _has_ to stop!”

Draco looks up so see Pansy standing in front of him with an angry look on her face. Why is she here so early? Usually she doesn’t come to breakfast before eight and it’s barely ten past seven.

“What are you talking about?”, Draco answers, not looking at her, sipping his tea peacefully.

“Come with me”, the Slytherin girl says in a bossy way. As he begins to open his mouth to protest, Pansy adds “Draco Malfoy, don’t even try to get away from this conversation. You’re coming with me this instant.”

The blond knows his best friend. When she’s in this kind of mood, she’s not likely to back away. He stands and follows her to a small alcove somewhere on the fourth floor near the Charms classrooms that are empty at this time of day.

“So, what did you want?” Draco says, peremptory.

“What _I_ want? What I want is to have my best friend back! I don’t want this shell of a human being that you became! You haven’t really eaten with us in weeks, barely spoken to me or to Blaise for two months and you’re avoiding everyone. Is this how you wanted to spend your last year at Hogwarts? Just because Potter rejected you doesn’t mean…”

“Do _not_ speak his name in front of me, Pansy”, Draco hisses.

“Why not? What the fuck happened, Draco?! You guys were all friendly and laughing all the time and from one day to the next you can’t even look at him, let alone hear his name?”

“This is none of your business”, he says, his teeth gritting.

“This is none of…?”, Pansy doesn’t finish, looking as if she can’t decide if she’s horribly sad or extremely angry. “Then whose fucking business is it, huh Draco? I understand that you don’t want to shout what happened to the whole scool, but can’t you talk to you best friend? Am I still that, by the way? Because _you_ haven’t been behaving like a best friend at all, for months. You have been a selfish little _shit_ , sulking in a corner, pushing everyone away. Did you even think about the fact that _I_ needed _you_?”, she says, and this time Draco can hear the tears in her voice. “I’ll have you know that I have been in a relationship since October. I felt so happy about it and she’s so great and supportive of me. And I don’t know what I would have done without her for the last two months, because my best friend _abandonned_ me. And I could have used your fucking help Draco. Cause my mum send me a letter last week and I’m to be _married_ to Zacharias Smith of all people, by next December. And I needed your help because you know how to navigate these situations, you know the suffering we go through because of our parents and you are the only person, other than my girlfriend, that I am out to!” Pansy is now outright crying.

Draco realizes he has really been an ass. He really has only thought about himself and about hating Potter and about his own future. He hasn’t noticed his best friend was deeply hurting. He can’t continue on suffering on his own, making his dear ones suffer too. Draco takes his oldest friend in his arms and strokes her hair, saying “I’m so sorry, Pansy, everything will be alright. I’m here, I promise. I won’t leave you anymore. I’m so sorry…”

They stay like this for ten minutes or more before Pansy steps away from Draco and looks in his eyes. “Are you really gonna get your shit back together?”

“Yes I will. Do you need me to speak with Hyacinth? We could even tell her that we are getting engaged, that could make her back away”, Draco suggests, knowing that his family name can still have some utility.

“No, that’s okay. I’ll talk to mum when I get back home after the NEWTs. She’s also not going to like hearing that her daughter is going to work for the Daily Prophet from September on. At least, that way I’ll be able to leave home if she is not compromising about the wedding. Ginny and I were speaking of maybe taking a small flat together anyway”, she says, blushing a little.

“Oh. So this mysterious girlfriend of yours is Ginny Weasley.” Draco can’t say he’s really shocked. To be honest, the Weaslette is quite good looking, and her fiery temperament is exactly what Pansy needs in a partner. “I’m sure your mother will be less thrilled about your new plebeian job than about her lesbian daughter going out with a Weasley. They’re pureblood after all”, Draco winks at her.

She smiles a little and asks, “Now that I’ve told you all my secrets, are you finally going to spit it out about what happend with Potter? You might even feel better, talking about it.”

Draco hesitates, but seeing the hopeful look on his best friend’s face, he simply says “He kissed me.”

“He _what now?_ ”, Pansy says, utterly surprised. “He kissed you and that’s what broke your friendship??”

“He surprised me! I really wasn’t expecting it. And by the time I had realized his lips were on mine, he had stepped back without letting me kiss him back”, Draco says sheepishly. But his anger rises again as he adds, “Then he ran away, and the next day he sent my this _fucking_ owl saying we don’t need to work together anymore, that it’s a waste of time. That _I_ am a waste of time, basically.”

“Let me get this straight. He kissed you, you didn’t kiss back and then he decided to avoid you. You took it personnally and this is the reason why you’ve been this way for _two months?_ ”

“What would you have me do, exactly? He was very clear he didn’t want to be friends anymore, let alone see me at all.”

“You could have talked to him! You could have just said that you wanted this kiss as much as him!”

“Pansy, you don’t understand. He’s probably told everyone about it, mocking me. I know I don’t have much pride anymore but it still is here.”

“First of all, he didn’t tell his friends. Else, Ginny would have known and she’d have told me. Second, have you looked at the man in the last two months? He looks as miserable as you are, and even if he regrets the kiss, I think you were doing alright as friends. Just talk to him, tell him what you feel about him. You really have nothing to lose. He already broke your heart. What more could he possibly do?”

Draco thinks about it for a few minutes and decides she’s right. He really has been a shadow of his former self, and at least speaking with Potter will give him closure. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Harry's POV on those two months. Are you ready for it?


	7. Egocentric Effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry just kissed Malfoy, and he's just so lost... What's it going to need to get him back on track?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first, I thought it was going to be a long chapter, but it's a little shorter than the others.  
> Still some angsty little stuff in here, but I promise, it'll soon be over.

Harry wakes up sweating. He feels so disoriented. He’s in his bed in the Eighth Yeard Dorm, lying on his back, and the sun is already up. However, he doesn’t feel rested at all. It takes him a few seconds to remember what happened before he got to bed, but suddenly everything comes back to him.

He kissed Malfoy. Not a small-peck-on-the-cheek kiss, more like a full-on-the-lips one, where he’s pretty sure he would have put tongue, had he had the occasion.

He feels so bad, so guilty. Yesterday night when he arrived in his room, and Ron asked him what was wrong with him, he simply dismissed his best friend and closed his curtains. Then, he freaked out for about two hours, turning and changing position, trying to understand what had happened, why had his body acted without Harry’s approval. He asks himself why the small touch of the lips felt so good, so right, so intense. Harry remembers Malfoy’s perfume, a mix of sandalwood and lemons. So sweet and yet so enticing.

But the Slytherin hadn’t kissed back. He had just been shocked and stood there, gaping at Harry, saying nothing. After he had quickly escaped Snape’s office, Malfoy had probably felt disgusted with Harry. After all these years, they had managed to become friends and he’s ruined it all.

Back to the present, Harry knows he has to solve this situation. It was a huge mistake and a moment of madness from his part. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Malfoy and Harry can just go back to what they were before. They both have enough friends, after all, they don’t need each other. The lessons are not even that useful anymore. Harry managed Felix Felicis yesterday, right, so he can do alright on his own. As for Malfoy, the last Patronus he cast was pretty strong, he doesn’t really need to go all the way to the corporeal one. Yes, all of this is true. He’ll just talk to Malfoy and they’ll stop the lessons. Or even better, they don’t _have_ to talk. He’ll just send an owl to Malfoy and tell him they don’t need to meet anymore.

After going to the owlery and sending a small missive informing Malfoy of his choice, he goes to the Great Hall and sits next to Hermione. He’s slightly nervous about Malfoy’s reaction, not feeling like eating. When the blond enters the room, Harry spots him and looks down at his plate. He feels his cheeks redden but he can’t look at the other boy right now. Malfoy sits and a few minutes later the mail is being delivered. Considering the look on his face, the Slytherin is not pleased. Harry sees Malfoy crumpling his note in his hand, harshly saying something to Parkinson and leaving the Hall.

That’s it then. Malfoy hates him again, they won’t meet anymore and Harry will just go back to what his life was in January.

Everything is for the best.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Over the next few weeks, Harry gets more and more tired.

Hermione notices it and asks him if he’s having nightmares about the war again. He lies, of course, invoking a back ache that prevents him from finding a nice sleeping position. She’s not fooled by her friend’s answer for a single second, but Harry’s grateful she doesn’t push it.

In fact, he is having nightmares. Or more like, one particular nightmare. The same one every night.

The dream actually begins like the one he had, the night before kissing Malfoy. Malfoy is coming for him, making him chase him. But whenever Harry catches him, the Slytherin turns on him and begins to release his wrath on him. He tells him he never wanted to be Harry’s friend at all, that he’d rather he never existed, or that you don’t go around kissing people without their permission. Some nights he tells him that Harry is a disgusting person, that he would never be together with a boy that crass. Once, he even tells him that he wished Harry had died with Voldemort.

Half the time, Harry wakes up sweating after listening to the abuse going out of Dream Malfoy’s mouth. The first time he wakes up crying, he decides to put a Silencing Charm on his curtains, because he doesn’t want his dorm mates to worry. He knows the bags under his eyes are not getting any better but it’s the least of his worries.

Everyday, he looks at Malfoy and regrets kissing him. He misses their friendship, the fun and easy way they had behaved around each other, bickering yet never really fighting. The blond is not talking to him anymore, ignoring him when they’re in class and hiding the rest of the time. Harry’s convinced Malfoy is hiding from him, at first. But one day, he goes for breakfast early and sees the Slytherin eating alone. Did he do this? Is Malfoy so angry and disgusted by him that he decided to just ignore everyone? This doesn’t make any sense.

That’s what he says to his friends at lunch, and while Hermione says he’s exaggerating, Ginny intervenes “You’re right Harry, I don’t know why but Draco is not only avoiding the rest of the school, he’s hiding even from his friends.” Harry wonders if this information is coming from Ginny’s secret lover. Ginny continues, “I wonder what caused his change of attitude. Even when he came back in September he used to smile. Now he just looks dead to me.”

Harry feels so guilty. It’s true that he’s never seen Malfoy like that. Even in Sixth Year, when he had Voldemort’s terrible mission on his shoulders, he looked stressed but never _dead_ like Ginny describes so well.

“Harry?”, Ron says, waving his hand in front of his eyes. When the green eyed boy looks up, Ron smiles and repeats “I was asking you in you wanted to go fly with me this evening. It’s been weeks since we spent time together and I miss it, mate.”

“Sorry, I can’t”, Harry answers. It’s not really that he can’t, it’s more like he doesn’t feel like it. He needs to work on his Potion Practical Exam, because he hasn’t since… The event. “I think I’ll try brewing the Draught of Living Death tonight. Clearwater says it’s the potion they're the most likely to be giving on the exam.”

That evening, Harry goes to the Potions Classroom on his own. He probably can do it alone, after all he _has_ learned some things with Malfoy.

But half an hour later, he has to accept the truth : he simply can’t do it. He’s squished the ingredients that needed to be sliced and sliced the ones that needed to be halved. The color of the potion is as for from lilac as the sun is from the earth.

Fuck it. Fuck it all. He shouldn’t need to be able to do Potions when he knows he hates it. It reminds him of Snape, of Malfoy, of failure. And what if he can’t be an Auror anymore? He will only disappoint everyone he knows. Well, they better get used to it, because he’s failing at everything right now. At friendship, at classes and even at sleeping.

He really thought life after the war would be better than this.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Harry, I have good news!”, Hermione says, sitting next to him. He had been eating his lunch alone, needing the time to try to think about things. Unfortunately, he’s only managed to convince himself of how bad a human being he is. Well, maybe his day is not ruined yet, if Hermione has good news.

“What is it?”, he asks, doubtfully.

“Well, Ginny talked to me and apparently I have been bothering her a little bit, regarding her Head Girl Duty”, she blushes a little, but continues, “I guess I wanted to help since I never got to be Head Girl last year”, she says with a sad smile. “Anyway, the fact is, I’m going to let her do it by herself and I’ll have time in my schedule to help you for Potions!” She’s smiling so bright at him, and he feels guilty because he doesn’t care at all.

“Thanks Hermione, that’s nice of you, but… I don’t think I need it anymore.”

“Come on, Harry”, she says playfully. “I know you became a Potion Master when you worked with Malfoy but a little more practice can’t hurt!”, she jokes.

Harry looks at his best friend and suddenly, he can’t hold it in anymore. He’s felt bad about it for months but it’s just too hard. “I don’t want to be an Auror.”

“You… What?”, Hermione says surprised. “But it’s been your dream since Fifth Year, and it’s all Ron and you can talk about.”

“I know, but… I think I was afraid to admit it to myself, but I’m really tired of all this. I’m tired of fighting, of having to catch the bad guys. I want to do something positive for once. And I know it’s going to break Ron’s heart, but I just can’t go into Auror Training. It’s not me anymore.”

“Harry…”, Hermione says gently. “First of all, you’re not going to break Ron’s heart. You know he only wants you to be happy. Second, we _all_ want you to be happy. If Auror Training isn’t it, then you’ll just find what is.”

“That’s the problem though. I have no idea what to do, where to go”, Harry says desperately. “All of you guys have your whole lives planed and I’m here, not even knowing what I want to do tomorrow.”

Hermione thinks for a few minutes and asks, “Have you thought about teaching?”

“Teaching?”, Harry says, surprised. “It hasn’t really crossed my mind, no.”

“Well, think about it, Harry. You were thriving when you were teaching the Dumbledore Army in Fifth Year, and you’re obviously a natural at Defence. If you want a positive activity, teaching the next generation of wizards and witches can’t be a bad idea”, she says smiling.

“Wow, ‘Mione. Thanks. I’m not sure about it, but... I’ll definitely give it some thought.”

“You’re welcome, Harry. Whatever you choose to do, I’ll love and support you, you know that, right?”

Harry nods and he feels like crying. He probably doesn’t deserve her. She’s been such a great friend, and he knows she’s never going to let him down. He goes to her, emotional, and gives her a tight hug.

Maybe things can get better. He certainly hopes so.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When Harry enters his bedroom, Ron is the only one there. It’s probably the chance he has been waiting for, so he takes it. “Ron, could we talk?”, he says shily.

“Yeah, mate. What’s wrong?”, his best friend says with a worried look on his face.

“I’ve taken a decision…”, Harry says, stalling. “I’m not going to Auror Training with you.”

The redhead looks confused but he easily responds “Yeah, I kind of guessed it actually. The last few times we talked about it, you seemed less than thrilled. Nothing to do with the ‘not thrilled’ way you’ve been lately, but still, I kind of knew.”

Harry gawks at his best friend. “That’s all? Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Mad at you? Harry, come on, how could I be mad at you? If it’s not your calling, then it’s not. Of course I’m a little sad we won’t go to Auror Training together, but it’s not like we won’t see each other anymore, is it? You’re still my best friend, nothing can change this.”

Once again, Harry feels like crying. He feels so lucky he’s got friends who are supporting him through all this, when he’s been doing nothing but sulk and worry about Malfoy for almost two months. “Thank you Ron. It really means a lot to me”, he simply says.

“Have you decided what you want to do, then?”, Ron enquiries.

“Actually, yes…”, Harry says shily. “I spoke with Hermione about it a few weeks ago, and I think I’m going for a teaching assistant job next year. Actually, I went to McGonagall and she said that she’d be happy to study my application, if I get an O in Defence and at least three other EE.”

“Wow, mate, that’s really nice! Congratulations are in order, I guess”, Ron declares with a bright smile.

“I guess so, yeah.”

Harry sees his best friend think for a few seconds, before he says, “Don’t you have another announcement to make?”

Harry is dumbfounded but answers, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened with Malfoy?”, Ron asks bluntly.

Harry blushes furiously before answering. “We didn’t need to have lessons together anymore, I was as good as I was going to get at Potions and he had managed a Patronus. That’s all.”

“Harry, this can’t be all. You had become friends, or so you’d told me. You went from friends to completely ignoring each other overnight?”

“Seems like it”, Harry says, hoping his friend is going to give up and change the subject.

Ron hesitates before he tells Harry, “You know, when I first realized I loved Hermione in Sixth Year, it felt like a revelation. Obviously, she’s the best human being in the world, and I won’t ever deserve the angel she is. But, at the time, I couldn’t tell her, or you. Instead, I spent a lot of time questioning my feelings. I asked myself if it was real, if she’d love me and if there wasn’t anyone around me that I felt the same about. And even though I didn’t love anyone as much as I loved her, I realized I was attracted to a whole of a lot of people. Lavender, Romilda Vane, Hanna Abbott”, Ron takes a breath before he adds, “but also Ernie MacMillan, Anthony Goldstein and… Dean.” His best friends gets crimson, as he says the last name.

Harry is really stunned. Ron likes boys? He really didn’t see this coming.

At Harry’s silence, the redhead continues, “When I discovered I was bisexual, it was really a shock to be honest. I didn’t really want to admit it, but it’s a part of me. And when I told Hermione about it, she understood and she was so supportive… Merlin, I love her. Anyway, I am saying this because I want you to know, it’s okay to question your sexuality. It’s okay to love only boys, only girls, both, or none. But don’t torture yourself about it. Just try to be honest with yourself and whatever you decide, we’ll be here for you.”

This time, Harry is definitely crying. He thinks he might have been waiting for someone to tell him that. That it was okay, that he wasn’t _abnormal_. That he could be who he wanted.

“I’m, I-I want to…”, Harry stutters. He needs to say it, he needs to get it out. “I think I like Malfoy. I mean, like like. And it’s killing me, because I ruined it and I have no idea what to do to make it better, Ron”, he says through his tears, trying to describe the feelings he’s been hiding for the past two months.

Ron sits next to Harry on his bed and he envelopes his shoulders in a hug. “Tell me what happened.”

“I kissed him. I mean, I had had a love dream, and I was confused, and suddenly I realized it was him that I had dreamt about and I tried to leave. But he had such a distressed look on his face. He tried to stop me from leaving, genuinely worried about my well being and I don’t know what got into me, I just went and kissed him. But he didn’t. He didn’t kiss me back and when I realized, I looked at him and he was so shocked… I just left the room, running like there was no tomorrow. The next morning I sent him an owl, saying we didn’t need to meet for lessons anymore and he was just so angry, I saw him from afar. And the rest, you know. I think about him all the time but he ignores me, and I feel so guilty. And confused. Everything is so confusing”, Harry blurts out, finishing his rant, looking guiltily at his hands.

“Okay, Harry. First of all, you really shouldn’t have kissed him like that. I mean, even if you thought he might have feelings for you, it’s just not done, mate. You don’t surprise-kiss people. Second, should I remind you of the conversation we had last time? He’s been miserable and avoiding everyone for weeks. For as long as you have been I guess. Didn’t you think that maybe he wasn’t mad about the kiss but about the fact that you decided to stop being friends? Because that’s what you did, you basically told him not to meet with you anymore. Honestly Harry, you can be so thick headed. Just talk to the guy. He might be straight, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask. It’s as they say, it’s better to have remorse than regrets.”

Harry once again gapes at his best friend. Ron really has changed, and his vision of things might even be thoughtful. What if it's true? What if Malfoy is not angry about the kiss? It's true that it was so short he could barely have kissed back and Harry didn't really gave him the chance to reciprocate. Or to even react or explain. Merlin, he's so stupid. And he needs to solve this situation. Even if Malfoy has no feelings for him, they _were_ good friends before this happened and maybe they can be again. This could be better than nothing. Definitely better than the last two months.

“Thank you, Ron. You're the best”, Harry says before going for the door.

“I'm glad to know that. Wait, what are you gonna do?”

Harry smiles. “I'm going to repair what I’ve broken”, he says, rushing outside the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it !  
> I love writing best friends conversation and having Harry/Hermione and Harry/Ron relationship developped, cause they're so genuine.  
> I had a lot of fun writing this, even though it's hard.  
> Next chapter will be the Angst Resolution, I hope you're ready. 
> 
> If you liked what I did (or didn't and have some constructive criticism), don't hesitate to comment ! I'd love to hear what you have to say !


	8. Eventual Elation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco received a message from Potter. What does the other boy want and will he be brave enough to tell him how he feels about him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are prepared for Fluff content, because this is so full of it.

On his way down the stairs, Draco hesitates once again to turn around, to simply go back to his room. The only thing preventing him from doing just that, is the look Pansy will give him if he does. The “I’m disappointed but not really surprised” look, stating once and for all that Draco has no courage, at all. Because, as she very _gently_ reminded him “You didn’t even take it upon yourself to contact him, and you’re not going to meet him when he asks you to?” So the Slytherin is on his way to Severus’ office.

Before he enters the room, he hesitates one last time. He reads again Potter’s small note :

_Malfoy,_

_Meet me in our usual room at 9 tonight. Please._

_HP_

This looks so much like the letter Potter sent him two months ago. It’s like the Gryffindor always writes without thinking. He can almost hear Potter say the words. And it’s the “Please” that made him take his decision. The small word makes the other boy look vulnerable. Trying to display his weaknesses to Draco, to convince him to trust him? That’s a cunning method, but it’s definitely working.

The blond takes a big breath, focussing. He needs to look unshakable. He’ll wait and see what Potter has to say. If, and only if, the other boy is not being an idiot, Draco might tell him that he wanted to kiss him back but didn't have the time to.

This is so stressful. But if he doesn’t go in, he knows he will regret it. After all, Pansy is right. If Potter already broke his heart, what worse could he do?

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When Draco finally opens the door, Potter turns and looks at him with a surprised and stressed look. Almost like he wasn’t expecting the Slytherin. “Potter”, Draco says.

“Malfoy, I… I wasn’t sure you’d come”, he says, looking sheepish. Has he always looked so adorable?

“Well. I’m here”, Draco answers curtly, not giving away any of his emotions. “What did you want?”

“I’m just- I wanted to…”, Potter looks like he’s going to pass out. He’s really white, he’s got dark rings under his eyes and Draco has never seen the black haired boy so stressed in his life. “I wanted to say sorry.”

“What for, exactly?”, the blond asks, raising one eyebrow, implying there is more than one thing that should make him regretful.

The Gryffindor cheeks redden and he says, “For the kiss. I’m sorry I did it, I really shouldn’t have and I wanted to apologize.”

And this is it. This is the moment Draco realizes that speaking with Pansy _had_ raised his hopes up. He really wished for Potter to reciprocate his feelings, for the kiss to have meant something. And the fact that Potter _regrets_ kissing him is even more hard-breaking than what he’s done before. But he can’t let the other boy see it. He says, in the most neutral voice he can muster, “I’m sorry it was such a bad experience for you. Apology accepted. Now I’ll go”.

And without looking back, he turns around and heads for the corridor. Potter tries to stop him, saying “No! Malfoy, wait!”, but he was the one who didn’t wait last time. The green eyed boy can have a taste of his own medicine.

Unfortunately for Draco, Potter is a really fast wizard. When he ears the other boy cast “ _Colloportus!_ ”, he finds the door closed and locked. This gives Potter the time to continue his speech, even though Draco doesn’t want to hear it. “Please, wait”, he says. “Hear me out. We can’t do this anymore. We can’t avoid each other like this”, he adds, with such a pleading voice and growing sad eyes, that Draco just looks the other way but doesn’t try to escape from the room anymore.

“I miss our friendship”, Potter says. “I miss the way we could talk about lots of different subjects and have fun together. I miss the way I knew I could tell you things and you wouldn’t listen to me as the Saviour of the Wizarding World, you’d just hear me, Harry. That’s not something that happened a lot in my life, and except for Hermione and Ron, everyone always idolized me. But you were different. You didn’t see me as a hero or as a warrior. You saw me as a stupid Gryffindor who was terrible at Potions”, Potter says with a smile. And Draco’s missed this, seeing the smile on his face, knowing he put it there. “And I know that I ruined everything between us, that it’s not your fault of course, but I really wish I had done things differently. If I had known what your reaction was going to be-- hell, if I had know that I was going to kiss you, I would have stopped myself. I know you really shouldn’t kiss people when you’re not sure they want to, and I just... Shouldn’t have. I definitely don’t regret it. Because it was my first kiss with a boy”, the Gryffindor says, blushing brightly. He’s so enticing, Draco wants to burry his face in Potter’s embrace. “And more than this, it was my first kiss with a boy I liked…”

This stops Draco short. He can’t have heard that right. This can’t be possible. “You… like me?” he says, not letting himself believe it.

Potter looks at him with his green eyes full of confusion and embarassment. It feels like Draco is holding the other boy’s heart in his hands. “Yes”, he simply says.

The blond feels himself grinning like a lovesick fool, and he steps forwards. He mirrors the gestures that Potter did two months ago. He cups Potter’s face in his hands, and he approaches his lips from the other boy’s. Draco can feel his breath mixing with the Gryffindor’s. The black haired boy smells like the sun, like fresh air, and leather. He reminds him of Quidditch, of flying, of feeling so free he never wants to go back. Then, he whispers so slowly, “Can I kiss you?”

Potter makes the smallest nod, but Draco can’t wait anymore for him to vocalize his assent. He presses his lips to Potter’s and this time he can appreciate the moment. Potter’s lips are not as soft as his but their mouth are fitting perfectly. He can feel the other boy answer the kiss, pushing back against him and moving his lips against Draco’s, making his heart beat like crazy. The blond runs his right hand in Potter’s hair, so soft, yet to unruly, while his other hand slowly goes down from Potter’s cheek to his throat. He can feel the other boy’s heartbeat, so fast, so strong, so alive.

And then, he feels Potter’s hands and arms hugging him. He feels the other boy’s hands running up and down his back, making him shiver with the sensation, the pleasure of being pressed against someone else, againt _Potter_. This might be Potter’s first kiss with a boy, but it’s not his first kiss ever, this is obvious. He feels Potter’s tongue prodding gently against his lips. Draco answers, nibbling the other boy’s bottom lip softly with his teeth. This feels so good, so right. Draco wishes for the kiss to never stop. And Potter definitely isn’t finished as Draco feels him deepen the kiss, slowly entering the Slytherin’s mouth with his tongue. And when their tongues meet, Draco feels like he’s going to melt right there, and Potter utters a small moan that’s making Draco’s heart pound faster, if it’s even possible.

Potter breaks away from the kiss, looking embarrassed at the sound he made, but when Draco sees his face he can’t help but laugh. At first, Potter looks cross but Draco can’t stop himself. It’s been weeks since he laughed like this, and it doesn’t take much longer for the Gryffindor to join him. They’re just laughing together, staying in each other’s arms, not caring about looking silly. And when they finally stop giggling like children, Potter put his forehead to the blond’s and he kisses him again.

Draco is feeling amazing right now and he never wants to let go.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

After alternating between kissing, laughing and looking in each other’s eyes for half an hour, they settle in front of the fire, in a small couch Draco transfigured from one of Severus’ chairs. Draco is sitting in Harry’s lap, his left arm around the other boy’s shoulder and his right hand holding his.

“I can’t believe I was mad at you all this time, when we could have done this for the past two months”, Draco says, making Potter laugh.

“I know. And I know it’s mostly my fault for not accepting my feelings. You know it all happened because I had this dream about you and I couldn’t remember it was you. But in this dream, I felt so peaceful, like I could finally be myself. Like you would accept everything about me”, the black haired boy says. He’s smiling so softly, Draco’s heart feels like bursting. “And when I realized that it was you I had dreamt about, fantasized about, my brain overreacted. I’m sorry for casting you away, it really wasn’t what I had intented.”

“What hurt the must, you know”, Draco says, taking his time before managing to continue, “was when you called our friendship a waste of time. I mean, you might have not wanted to be romantically involved, or I thought so at least, but I still thought we had spent some good times together. And suddenly, I had to throw all those memories away. I felt so… Betrayed. So confused”, he says, remembering all the nights he spent thinking about the Gryffindor boy and what could have been.

Potter holds him tighter and kisses his forehead. “I’m so sorry. What I regret the most in this situation is making you suffering for so long without doing anything. I was drowning in self pity, missing you, yet not accepting I liked you and that I was…” The green eyes are looking down at their entangled hands. “That I am gay”, he finally says.

Draco feels so touched right now. “Is it the first time you’ve said it?”, he prods gently.

Potter nods, “Yes. I told Ron that I liked you but I never used this exact word describing myself. I think that what I had with Ginny was more of a very strong friendship, than a relationship. There was no sexual attraction on my side. But after kissing you, I’m pretty sure that I’m not into girls”, he finishes, chuckling. “What about you?”, he asks Draco. “Are you…?”

“Gay? No”, he smiles. “I’m pansexual”, at Harry’s puzzled look, he adds “It means I can be attracted to everyone. It’s a very personnal definition, but it’s what describes me best I guess.”

“Okay. I guess I don’t really care as long as you only kiss me”, Potter says grinning. He looks so cute, Draco wants to devour him. Potter sighs and states “I’m so glad Ron talked me into this. I mean, I think if he didn’t shake me a little, I might have continued avoiding you for the rest of the year, and then we wouldn’t have solved this situation.”

Draco kisses the other boy, wanting to erase the memories of all the moments they lost. When he stops, he confesses, “For my part, Pansy kicked my sorry ass, reminding me that I was not a zombie and that I was being a shit friend. And she was right. More than a terrible friend, I was not even myself. I got convinced that being on my own was for the best… I’m really glad that Ginny was there for her.”

This gets a bigger reaction from Potter than Draco expected. “It’s Parkinson?!”, he exclaims. “Oh my god! That’s why she wouldn’t tell me! I’m so stupid…” It looks like he’s just broken the Gryffindor as he’s just staring into space.

“Potter, are you still there?”, he says jokingly.

“Hum, yes, sorry”, the other boy says, smiling lightly. “I understand why she didn’t tell me. After all, I kind of feel like I’m in the same situation right now”, he adds blushing. “By the way, do you think we could be… Discreet about this? I don’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it to our friends or anything-- That would be great actually. And it doesn’t mean that I’m ashamed of being… Gay. Or of being with you. It’s just that I don’t think I’m ready to come out yet. Please, don’t take this the wrong way, I just…”

“Hey, look at me”, Draco cuts him. When the green eyes are locked with his, he says, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. We can take our time, okay?” The other boy nods. “I do not enjoy my love life to be displayed in the newspapers either, you know. I’d rather my mother learns it from me.”

Potter looks at him with loving eyes, and Draco can feel himself blushing. “Can I ask you for something?”, the messy haired boy says, hesitating.

“Anything for you”, Draco answers with burning eyes.

Potter is distracted, and Draco takes his chance, pressing his lips to their intertwined fingers. When the other boys snaps back to reality, he almost whispers, blushing, “Could we call each other by our first names?”

Draco wasn’t ready for this. He feels like his heart is beating faster. It’s so weird that calling Potter by his first name would feel so intimate, but it does. His cheeks are burning and he says, “If you want to… Harry.” The name feels so strange on his lips. He’s never even _thought_ of the other boy that way. But it feels like they’re really moving forward, and he can’t not love it.

“Draco?”, the Gryffindor says, blushing as hard as Draco did.

“Yes, Harry?”, he answers, smiling widely.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“I’d love that, Harry.”

And for long minutes, no words are spoken.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“We could resume our lessons. The NEWTs are only in three weeks, there’s still time”, Draco suggests. They’ve been discussing how to interact in public in the next few weeks, but Draco had forgotten that Harry still needs to get better at Potions. And if the Slytherin wants to have any chance at casting a corporeal Patronus, he knows he needs practice.

“I don’t think we need to, actually”, Harry says. The Gryffindor must have seen Draco’s disappointment showing on his face, because he quickly adds, “I mean, I’m not taking my Potions NEWT anymore.”

“Why not?”, Draco asks dumbfounded.

“If the last two months have been good for something, it’s giving me time to think about what I want. And I don’t want to be an Auror. I might have wanted to be one when I was fifteen, but it was more because my parents were Aurors, and Moody, and Tonks were too. I idolized them, but look at what happened. Except for Moody maybe, they all died pretty young, fighting Dark Wizards. I don’t mean to say that it’s not a good job to have. But all my life I’ve put what the Wizarding World needed above what I really wanted to do. I won’t do that anymore. I won’t sacrifice who I am just because it’s what expected of me.”

“I get that, Harry, I do.” And he does. He’s not sure himself that he wants to be a Potions Master. After everything he learned about Severus, he’s not so sure he had such a great life. He still loves his godfather dearly, but he doesn’t want to end like him. Anyway, this is about Harry, not about him. “And I think you’re right. You deserve to do whatever the hell you want, and if people don’t agree with you, they can just go fuck themselves for all I care.”

“You’re so sweet when you get protective”, Harry says, clearly teasing Draco.

“I’m protective of what’s mine, Potter”, he says, before leaning in and gently licking Harry’s top lip, making the other boy groan.

“Draco…”, he says, his eyes closed, “You’re driving me crazy.” They’re not ready for that yet, and Draco doesn’t want to rush anything.

“What are you going to do next year then, Harry?”, Draco asks.

“I think I’m applying to be the next Defence Teaching Assistant”, the Gryffindor says shily.

“That’s great!”, the blond exclaims. As Harry is looking at him doubtfully, he specifies, “I know I have been a bit harsh about describing your teaching in the past, but I wasn’t really fair. You’re a great teacher already, and I’m sure you’ll like it, honestly”, he says. He has an idea, and he smirks, “Want me to help you practice teaching?”

“What did you have in mind, exactly?”, Harry says raising one eyebrow in a really cute way.

“Nothing special, I was thinking I could try to cast a corporeal Patronus.”

“You want to do that right now?”, Harry says, disbelievingly. Draco understands what he means. He’s really cozy in the Gryffindor’s arms, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and of Harry. But it’s getting late and they’re going to have to go back to their respective rooms soon anyway.

“Come on, don’t be lazy, Potter. We have work to do!”, Draco says, standing up.

Harry has to be dragged out of the couch, but when they’re both up and ready, he says, “A corporeal Patronus is really hard to achieve but I’m pretty sure you can do it. You can try to imagine an animal before, if it helps you, but it’s not really something you decide. It’s based on what you feel is the most likely to be able to protect you. Once again, you have to believe you can do it. Like I believe you can”, Harry says, smiling sweetly.

Draco concentrates and he has an idea. He thinks really hard about tonight. About Harry when he said he liked him. About Harry calling him Draco and blushing. About their cuddling, their kissing. Then casts “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” and a flying silvery form gets out of his wand.

It’s a Phoenix, so magnificient he’s almost blinding. It lands on Draco’s shoulder, and he can’t believe his eyes. He did it! He knew he could do it one day, but he sure wasn’t prepared for it to work _right now_. When Draco finally takes his eyes off his Patronus, he sees that Harry has stopped moving. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes are wide open, tears on the verge of falling. Feeling worried about him, Draco steps towards Harry and feels his Patronus disappear. “Harry, what’s wrong?”

“It’s... You… Your Patronus. It’s a Phoenix”, Harry says, obviously having trouble finding his words.

“I might have never seen one before, but I know what a Phoenix looks like, Harry, thanks”, he says sarcastically. Which is what the other boy apparently needs to get his thoughts back together.

“The only other person I know of, whose Patronus was a Phoenix, was Dumbledore”, he says at first, but he doesn’t stop there, “And Dumbledore’s Phoenix Fawkes saved me in Second Year. And having survived Avada Kedevra twice, I can’t help but notice the similarities between me and a Phoenix. And maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but… It’s like you trust me to protect you. And I…”, Harry doesn’t finish. He doesn’t need to.

Draco takes the green eyed boy in his arm and they kiss, slowly, gently, in such a delicate way, like they could break at the smallest touch.

“I don’t want to go back to our Dorm Rooms”, Draco whispers.

“Me neither”, Harry answers. “Let’s just stay here for a little longer.”

They go back to cuddling on the sofa, and it’s late when they leave. Harry gives him a small kiss when he lets him go, in front of his room.

That night, he gets the best sleep he’s gotten in a really long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After building Harry and Draco's angst stories, making them finally kiss and make out was SO satisfying.  
> I hope you like it as much as I loved writing it.  
> If you have any comment, please go ahead, I'd love to read about it.


	9. Excruciating Exams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the year is here already, and Draco and Harry have to study hard.  
> However, Draco is really stressed, and Harry wants to help. First hardships in their relationships?

Harry is walking on air on his way to the library to meet Draco.

Between the fact that he is finally sleeping peacefully, that he is smiling again and that he has a cute boyfriend he sees everyday, the last few weeks have been amazing.

After their heart-to-heart discussion, Draco and Harry have spent most of their time together. They partner up in almost every class, they eat lunch together next to the Great Lake and they study either in the library or in the Room of Requirement. Harry never thought things could go so well. He never expected that he’d be the kind of guy to spend all his time with his significant other. But he’s discovered he can’t get enough of Draco.

In public, they fell back into their old habits, bickering about any subject, laughing together and gently annoying each other. And in private, they seize every opportunity to snog, be it in the small alcove next to the Arithmancy classrooms, the Room of Requirement, or their rooms, when their roommates aren’t there. Draco’s lips are the softest thing, and Harry just loves feeling the blond’s hands in his hair while he’s letting his own hands wander up and down his boyfriend’s back. He’s not quite ready to go any further than this, and even if he can’t muster the courage to ask Draco what he thinks about it, he feels the Slytherin is being as careful as him.

The two month they spent appart have been quite hard on Draco, Harry knows it. Rebuilding the trust between them is going to be a slow process, but he’s determined to succeed. He truly regrets what he’s done, and even if Draco says he forgave him, Harry knows it’s not that simple. This is one of the reasons that they are discreet about their public display of affection. First of all, Harry really doesn’t want the papers to write about them. He can already hear what the headlines would be and having your fresh new relationship described as “ _Saviour Of the Wizarding World Gay for A Death Eater??_ ” is the last thing they need right now. And second, neither Harry nor Draco are ready to come out yet. Molly and Arthur are like parents to Harry, and he wants to be able to tell them face to face.

Luckily, their friends have been really supportive. Of course, Ron wasn’t the least bit surprised, but neither was Hermione. “I’ve been friends with you for eight years now Harry. You wear your heart on your sleeve, you know. I just knew you’d tell me about it when you felt ready”, she had said with a small smile.

When he had taken Ginny aside to tell her about it, she had been waiting for it already. “Pansy told me about it, Harry. I’m glad you found someone. You, more than anyone, deserve to be happy. And I guess that now you understand why it was kind of difficult for me to tell you about my own Slytherin?”, she had added shily.

“Don’t worry Gin, I get it, I really do. I just wish it hadn’t taken me all this time to realize that my feelings for Draco were not of the friendship kind. I mean, I hope you don’t take it personally, but I think if I had had time to think about things instead of fighting all the time, I would have come to terms sooner with the fact that I’m… Gay.” This still took some effort for Harry to say. It’s one thing to know it, and a whole other to tell your ex-girlfriend that your feelings for her were quite platonic.  When Ginny had smiled at him, he had decided to change the subject, “What about you? I mean, it was Draco who told me about you and Pansy. But for his defense, he probably didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to tell me. He was pretty sure I knew about it.”

“That’s okay, Harry, don’t worry. I guess I would have liked to tell you myself, but I had multiple opportunities and I didn’t take them. I was afraid you’d be so surprised about me having a girlfriend that you’d feel guilty or something”, she had said, not really looking at him.

“Oh, Ginny”, he had laughed, “You always knew me so well. I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what I would have thought. But now that I’m with Draco, I guess it changes everything. I know that my sexuality, or yours, has nothing to do with what happened between us. We were just two lost kids fighting in a war, trying to find ourselves.”

“Yeah we were”, she’d smiled. “And to answer your question, I’m bisexual.” Ginny looked so proud and radiant, Harry couldn’t help but smile back. This amazing girl deserved all the happiness coming her way.

“I love you, Gin”, he’d said.

“Love you too, Harry,” she’d answered, giving him a hug.

Things hadn’t been this easy with Parkinson. When she had come to him one morning at breakfast, looking like she was about to cut his head off and asking politely if she could “speak with the Golden Boy for a few minutes”, Harry had felt shivers all over his body. And not a nice kind of shivers. He had looked at Draco who had seemed as taken aback as him and Harry had followed the Slyterin girl quietly.

“What are your intentions with Draco?”, she had almost spat.

“Hum… I will… I don’t know… I mean… ”, the Gryffindor had stuttered.

“ _You don’t know?_ ”, she had said, disbelievingly. Her eyes had become stormy and she’d continued, “Potter, whatever the fuck you think you are doing, you better _know_ what your intentions are with my best friend. He is barely back from his zombie period, caused by no one but yourself, if I may remind you. And right now, he’s happy, all right. But if you ever pull something like what you did two months ago, I will find you, Potter, and Saviour of the Wizarding World or not, I will not hesitate to make you suffer like you made Draco suffer. Is that clear?”

“Cristal”, Harry had gulped.

“So, your intentions?”, Pansy had repeated with penetrating eyes.

“Hum. Being his boyfriend I guess, and treating him well and…”, he had sighed heavily. “Parkinson, I get it. I will take care of him, I promise, and I won’t hurt him anymore, not if I can prevent it. I like him, you know”, he had said, blushing furiously.

“I know, Potter. But I’m pretty sure you already liked him two months ago. Anyway, I guess you deserve a second chance if Draco is willing to give it to you.” She had sighed too and looked away blushing, and had asked, “Now that that’s settled, do you have any ideas what kind of gift would make Ginny happy? I mean, her birthday is not around the corner yet, but I was thinking of getting her Quidditch gloves. The ones she uses are getting really old.”

Harry had smiled at the request. Parkinson was not that much of a harpy, even if she tried to appear like one. “I think that’d be nice. I also heard her speak about some Healing book about Dark Curses Counter Charms, but it’s a limited edition and she couldn’t really afford it. I’ll owl you the title if you want.”

“Thank you, Potter”, she had said smiling. Then she had looked around and whispered, “And for that _event_ of yours, I’m all in. Let’s discuss this later, okay?”

“Works for me”, he had said, watching the Slytherin girl walk back to the Great Hall.

Yeah, Harry really was walking on sunshine.

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When he finds Draco in the library, he knows something is wrong. The blond is frowning more than usual, his lips are narrowing and he’s scowling at the book he’s working on.

Harry hasn’t seen his boyfriend this nervous and irritated since Sixth Year. The stress of the NEWTs is not decreasing, even though all the theoretical exams are already finished. Draco is especially stressed for the Defense Against the Dark Arts Practical Exam, and for the life of him, Harry has no idea why. After all, the Slytherin doesn’t even need a Defense NEWT to get in his Potion Mastery. And there’s no way he’ll be less than excellent at the Potions Exam. He approaches the table slowly, trying to make his presence known without disturbing Draco.

When his boyfriend looks up, he sees him but looks back down at his book almost immediately, looking even more annoyed than before. “What do you want? I’m studying.”

“I can see that”, Harry says, a little hurt. “Don’t you want some company?”

“So you can just make noise and distract me? No thanks. I know you don’t need to study anymore so don’t bother, okay?”, Draco says angrily.

Even if Harry knows that Draco is only being this way because he’s anxious, his boyfriend’s words still hurt. He takes a deep breath and says, “Listen, I know you’re stressed out and you want to do great on your NEWTs. I know you feel like it’s the only way to redeem your family name, and I understand that you feel pressured. But Draco… You’re brilliant, and you know it. It really is going to be alright, I’m sure you’ll manage to get the Outstanding grades you need. But staying by yourself and being so rigid is not going to help you pass. You need to relax and believe in yourself.” He turns around and says “Well, I’ll leave you alone now, I guess. You know where to find me.”

He takes a few steps before he hears Draco’s chair moving and his boyfriend say “Harry. Please don’t go.” The Gryffindor looks back and sees the anguished face of the other boy. “Please. Come sit with me”, he says with pleading eyes.

Harry goes sit next to his boyfriend silently. “Draco, you know you can tell me anything. What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to be a Potion Master. I’m sorry I snapped at you, you don’t deserve this. It’s just all the stress that I’m going through and the questions I’m asking myself…  After what you said about your own career choices, I realized I only wanted to go into Potions because of Severus… I wanted to make him proud, you know. What I really want…”, Draco doesn’t finish, looking at Harry with frightened eyes.

“Draco, come on, whatever it is, I’ll support you. And Snape would have been proud of you whatever you decide to do, you know that.”

The Slytherin hesitates a few more second but he finally says, “I want to be an Auror.” At Harry’s surprised look, he adds, “I know what you said, about the people in your life dying while being Aurors and I didn’t want you to feel like your feelings didn’t matter to me. But I’ve always dreamed about it.” His face twists with a bitter smile, “Of course, my father made it clear that it wasn’t a career fitting a Malfoy. But now that I am free to do as I wish, I… I really want to become an Auror.”

Harry _is_ surprised, but seeing the look on Draco’s face when he speaks about becoming an Auror, he can’t help but say, “Draco, I would never prevent you from going after your dreams. Of course, I’ll be worried about you, but I’m pretty sure I would also be if you were working with dangerous Potions”, at this he smiles. “And I know you’ll be a great Auror. You have a logical mind, and you never give up. And you’re good at Defense, whatever you may think.”

Draco is almost crying but Harry is taking his boyfriend’s face in his hands. “I’m not sure I deserve you, Harry”, he says. And the green eyed boy is feeling so emotional right now. He kisses the blond’s tears away, looking at him intensely.

“I’m not sure I deserve you either”, he says. They suddenly remember they’re in the middle of a public space, and they move away a little. They spend the rest of the morning studying, quizzing each other about Practical questions, and laughing together. When Harry prepares to go, Draco seems more relaxed and self-assured.

“We could have lunch together,” Draco says. But Harry has a lot of things to do, if he wants all of it to be ready for tonight.

“I can’t, but I’ll come pick you up at six, and we’ll have diner together, okay?”, he asks, giving his boyfriend a bright smile.

Draco smiles back, “It’s a date.”

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Harry gets back to the library at exactly two past six. Draco is waiting for him in front of the entrance door. “I am not that hungry. I thought we could just grab something in the Great Hall and eat in our Common Room. Then I’ll go to sleep early because believe me, I’m tired as hell. What do you think?”

Harry is slightly panicking. If Draco is already ready to go to bed, he’s not sure he’ll welcome what he’s prepared for tonight with open arms. “Hum, yeah, we could do that, but first, I need to show you something”, he says, trying not to be too suspicious.

“Potter, what new adventure are you dragging me in?”, Draco says smiling.

“Nothing you’ll hate, I promise.” Or at least, he hopes.

When they get to the Seventh Floor, Harry sees that his boyfriend is beginning to suspect something. But when they both stand in front of the Room of Requirement, he whispers “I really hope you like it”, before opening the door.

“Happy birthday!!” The sound of all of their friends shouting is a bigger surprise than Draco was expecting, Harry can tell.

“It’s my… It’s my birthday…? Today?”, the blond stutters.

Parkinson approaches and takes him into a hug. “I knew you were studying too much, but come on Draco, how could you forget your own birthday?”

The Slytherin boy enters the room and looks around, looking thunderstruck. It’s not much, but it’s the best Harry could manage with the time he had. There is a huge green banner that says “Happy Birthday Draco”, in big silver letters. The Room has helped a little and provided Harry with Slytherin colored furniture, all black wood and silver linings. When he went to the house elves to convince them to bring food and drinks to this room, he hadn’t expected to have a feast served for them, but that’s what you get for being the Boy Who Lived. Harry invited all of their close friends, and this might not be a big gathering, but it’s the people both he and Draco trust.

Draco hugs Zabini too, and then he’s speaking with both Ginny and Parkinson. Harry lets his boyfriend have his moment and when Neville asks how he transfigured the banner, he explains that Hagrid agreed to give him old linens. They’re both laughing at a joke Neville made, when he feels arms circling his waist from behind. He looks behind his shoulder and Draco says, “I’m sorry Longbottom, could I borrow Harry for a minute?” Harry knows that his boyrfriend has apologized to Neville for all the things he’s done over the years. And Neville being the absolute sweetheart he is, said that all was in the past, and it was time for new beginnings. Neville smiles at Draco and silently nods, encouraging the blond, who takes his Gryffindor boyfriend’s hand and drags him out of the Room.

Harry is feeling anxious about this talk. He knows Draco was feeling tired and maybe he should have canceled. “Draco, if you want to go to your room, you don’t have to stay, I know you’re tired, I’d completely understand…”, he begins, but he is stopped by his boyfriend’s lips on his.

“Harry, just shut up”, the blond says when their lips part. “I just don’t know what to say. No one, except maybe Mother and Pansy, has ever done such a thing for me. And Pansy told me how you organized all of it and I just… Thank you”, he says, smiling so brightly, Harry can’t help but smile too.

“Anything for you, love”, Harry answers, kissing Draco again. “If you’re nice, you might even get a present, you know.”

“I _might?_ I sure hope you didn’t organize a birthday party without buying me a gift. What is it?”, the blond says impatiently.

“You’ll have to wait, I’m afraid”, Harry says, circling Draco’s waist with his arms.

“You are full of surprises tonight, Mr. Potter”, Draco smiles.

“I can be”, he says, kissing him again, “I can be.”

##  **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Harry is waiting in front of the Defense classroom door and he’s so stressed he barely dares moving. The exam should have finished ten minutes ago and Draco still isn’t out. The green eyed boy hopes it’s not because it went bad or something. He can’t help worry that Draco has been wounded or has been told off for being too nervous.

When his favorite blond gets out of the Room, he hears him say a tight “Thanks”, before he closes the door and heads towards Harry. The Slytherin boy looks so exhausted, on the verge of crying. “Draco, are you okay?”, Harry asks, his voice almost breaking from all the worry.

“Yeah. Yes, I am more than okay”, he says, his voice breaking. “I can’t believe it. I did it and it’s finally done!”, his eyes look up and when they meet Harry’s, he smiles and hugs the Gryffindor. His voice is muffled by Harry’s shirt but he still hears, “Thank you, Harry, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Harry moves away a little and arches his eyebrow. “Don’t be absurd,” he says in a very good impersonation of Draco. “I’m sure you would have done great without my help”, he smiles.

“Well, you wouldn’t say that if you had seen their faces when they saw my Phoenix Patronus”, Draco beams. “I rather liked seeing all of their jaws drop at once, and for the life of me, not laughing at them was the hardest thing I have never done”, he chuckles.

Harry is laughing hard and holding Draco against him. He looks into the silvery grey eyes and he feels like melting. “So, what now?”, he asks jokingly.

“Well, you become an idolized Defense teacher for years, a Gryffindor Head of House loved by everyone, while I finish top of the Auror Training Class and become Head Auror in my early forties. What do you say?”

Harry smiles brightly, “Well, I can’t say I’m sure it’ll all happen, but I have a pretty good feeling about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end of the story, next chapter will be the last one, and will be their epilogue.  
> I really loved making the two of them fall in love with each other. I hope you did too.  
> Please give kudos if you liked it, and comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.


	10. Emotional Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Harry and Draco now that they're 26. What happened to them for the last seven years?

“I’m home!”, Draco says, taking his Auror robes off and carefully putting them on the coat rack in the entrance of the beautiful cottage.

He hears some noise coming from the kitchen of their house. Since they moved to the outskirts of Hogsmeade, Harry always arrives home before he does. Hogwarts is not that far after all, and except on nights where he teaches the Duelling Club, they always eat dinner together. Harry is a great cook, always trying to find new dishes to prepare, always so enthusiastic about sharing it with Draco.

They have been living together for five years, waiting for Draco to finish with Auror Training before finding their new home in Hogsmeade. Harry had been spending all of his weekends in Draco’s flat in London anyway, so living together had seemed like an obvious choice. Before that, they had been too occupied to miss each other during the week. Between Draco’s thoroughly exhausting training and Harry’s teaching assistant job, they had no spare time to visit each other. It had become something of a bother when Draco had realized that every Sunday before Harry would leave, he wanted to leave with him. He had decided on finding a house in Hogsmeade on his own, before asking Harry to move in with him. When he had presented the key to Harry on his birthday, the other man had been jumping for joy.

Their house is a perfect combination of both of their personalities. They have a huge living room with classy but comfy chairs, a sturdy dark mahogany table and a huge and colorful persian carpet. On the walls are photos of their friends and family. It had taken some time for Harry to convince Draco that Andromeda held no grudge against him. But when he had finally caved in, he had been charmed by his Aunt, and Teddy had made his heart melt almost instantly. They’ve babysitted Teddy very frequently over the years and the nine year old is now more than ready to depart for Hogwarts.

Draco is looking at a picture of the day Harry and him offered Teddy his very first broom, when he hears quick frenetic footsteps. He has barely enough time to turn towards the hasty girl that is throwing herself at him.

“Daddy!”, she says, hugging him fiercely before looking at him with her beautiful hazelnut colored eyes.

“Hello, my angel”, Draco smiles at his daughter. “How was your day?”

“School was great. Come with me”, she says, pulling at his hand, guiding him towards the kitchen. “Dad is teaching me how to cook treacle tart!”, she adds joyfully.

“Is he, now?”, Draco says when he enters the kitchen, looking at his husband. Harry’s hands are dirty with flour and the stickiness of sugar. He smiles gently at Draco and closes the oven with his foot.

“Never too young to learn. Don’t you agree?”, he asks cheekily.

“I’m not young, Dad ! I’m going to school now, so I’m not a baby”, their little girl says, pouting. Harry looks at Angela with such loving eyes, Draco can’t remember a time where she was not part of their lives.

He’s relieved that to this day, she has not presented any trace of trauma. When Draco met Angela, she was three and her parents had just been murdered by Derek Whitestone, a revengeful wizard gone crazy. Angie’s father had been a Death Eater sympathizer and he had leaked information leading to Whitestone’s wife death. Fortunately, Angela’s mother had managed to hide the little girl, and when Draco and the other Aurors had arrived, he had found her quietly crying in a cupboard. It had taken four months before they had caught Whitestone, and Draco had insisted on hosting Angela, claiming that the orphanage was not safe enough for the little girl. Harry had been more than happy to take care of the young child. And when the time came where they had to leave her to the orphanage’s care, it didn’t take much time for them to decide to adopt her.

Angela Malfoy-Potter is their ray of sun. When Harry and Draco married, they had talked about having children one day. But before meeting Angie, Draco had not been completely sure he wanted to have kids. Seeing her everyday, taking care of her, it all had helped him reconcile with the idea of a family. Of course, Harry had been overly enthusiastic about the whole situation. He had always wanted a family of his own, Draco knows. And now they have it, together.

“You’re still young, sweetie. Young enough, that as your Dad, I must now order you to go take a bath”, Harry says sternly. Angela is trying to object, but before she can utter a word, “And if you go without complaining, I promise you will get two stories before going to bed.”

She’s out of the room before they know it. Draco takes his husband in his arms and hugs him tightly. “How was your day?”

“Pretty nice actually. Hernandez finally managed a full Protego this morning and the whole class applauded. When I picked Angie from school, she told me that she is not fighting with Manuella anymore. She found the crayon under her drawer, apologized to Manuella and now they are friends again.”

“Thank god for that”, Draco sighs. Angela had been whining about Manuella’s treason for weeks, because the other girl had apparently stolen her favorite crayon. “And did you have time to go pick up our outfits?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. John says that if you still feel that the arms are too tight he can manage a last minute mending before next week.” Draco is more than ready for next week’s event. “How did your day go?”, Harry asks.

Draco begins to talk about his day, while Harry pours them two glasses of wine and they settle on the sofa. When Angie comes back from her shower, they all eat together and after reading two short stories to their daughter, Harry and Draco go to bed. Draco falls asleep quickly, thinking about how he’s never felt more at peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Draco! It was more than time for you to arrive!”, Pansy says dramatically.

The blond rolls his eyes at his best friend, “Pansy, I'm one hour early, what are you talking about?”

“No excuses Draco!”, she says, not making any sense. “So, what do you think?”, she says shily, looking down at her white dress.

Draco puts his hands on his best friend’s shoulders, “You look stunning, Pansy. As you did for the last three dress rehearsals. Ginny is a very lucky woman.”

“Thank you, dear”, she sighs heavily. “I don't know why I'm so stressed."

“Yeah, why would a wedding that you've been postponing for the last three years be any stressful?”, he answers ironically.

Three years ago, one month before their wedding, Pansy had been offered to go undercover for an investigation about a magical creatures trafic happening in Ireland. It had been the opportunity of a lifetime and Ginny had encouraged her to go with it. They hadn't seen each other for seven months and Ginny had barely had news from her fiancée. Hence, when given the opportunity, she had accepted a two years contract in an American hospital. Between the repercussion of the publication of Pansy's investigation and Ginny's research on a new kind of Kneazle Pox hitting young children, they hadn't been able to set a wedding date during two and a half years.

But today is their day. All of their friends and families have been invited to the back of the Burrow’s garden where they will be magically Bonded in a few hours. As Pansy's best man, Draco has come early today to soothe any of his best friend's worries.

“Everything will be alright, darling. You look amazing, and appart from the fact that she's a Weasley, your bride is quite perfect”, he says, teasing her.

“You’re an ass, Draco Malfoy.”

“Malfoy-Potter”, he corrects her.

“Speaking of, where is that Gryffindor husband of yours?”

“He’ll arrive later, with Angie. They weren't quite ready before I left.”

“Will you go ask my mother if she knows where my tiara is? She was supposed to bring it twenty minutes ago.”

“Don't worry, darling. I'll take care of it”, he says, going towards the Weasley’s kitchen. There, he finds Molly and Pansy's mother. They're having a fascinating discussion about the appropriate time when candles should be lit on the wedding tables, and once Draco has retrieved the famous tiara, he heads back to see Pansy. He runs into the whole Weasley clan; Bill, Fleur and their children, Charlie and his new Romanian boyfriend Alexander, Percy and Penelope, George, Angelina and little Fred. When Ron sees him, he gives him a one armed hug and asks news of Angie, while Hermione is holding their newborn daughter, Rose.

When he's finally greated every single one of them, he escapes to Pansy and helps her finish with the last preparations before she's ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco half listens to Pansy's vows while he stands next to her, he heard them far too many times by now. His attention is directed at Harry. He remembers the day they got married. There were just a few guests : Draco’s mother, the Weasleys and their closest friends. They had wanted a quiet celebration, centered on them, not as enormous as Ginny and Pansy's wedding is.

They had married in Malfoy Manor’s gardens, under the white wooden gazebo where Draco always played as a child. They had not poured their whole hearts at each other but their happiness had been intense.

When he looks at Harry, holding a half sleeping Angela in his arms, he can’t believe it's already been four years. Their lives are not perfect but they are more than happy enough. Their daughter's arrival has only increased their love for each other, creating a cocoon of wellness Draco could barely dream of during the worst days of the war. He definitely needs to speak to Harry.

When the ceremony is over, he reaches his husband and their daughter and hugs them tightly. Molly joins them and insists on taking care of Angie, “I'll put her to bed, the poor angel is exhausted. You kids have fun, okay?”, she smiles.

“Thank you, Molly, you're the best”, Harry says, holding his daughter out to his adoptive mother.

Draco and Harry meet their friends on the dancefloor and enjoy their company for half an hour before Draco suggests they have a walk around the property. His husband looks at him doubtfully but follows anyway.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”, Harry asks as straightforward as ever.

“Who says I needed to talk to you about something?”, Draco tries to buy some time, afraid all of a sudden that Harry will reject his offer.

“Your husband says so. Come on, love, I've known you for fifteen years, loved you for seven, I can predict your reactions quite well by now”, Harry grins.

“I'm worried about Angie”, he says. “I know we hadn't expected her to come into our lives like she did and once we decided to adopt her, we never really talked about it again.”

“Talked about what, honey?”

Draco is stalling and he knows it. “I always felt so lonely as a child you know. And I don't want Angie to feel the same.”

“Are you saying..?”, Harry says, a wide smile growing on his face.

“I think it's time for her to have a little brother or sister, yes.”

Before Draco knows what's happening to him, he's being lifted from the ground in a crushing embrace. “God, I love you so much”, Harry whispers in his ear.

“Is that a yes?”, Draco demands to know.

“Yes, it's a yes. I've been thinking about it for at least a year but I didn't want to rush you. I know last time it felt like we didn't have much of a choice and of course I'm happy Angie is our daughter, but I didn't want you to feel pressured into having other children.”

“I love you”, Draco says before kissing his husband languidly.

As Draco thinks about their family getting bigger, he can't help but thank destiny for putting Harry Potter on his way again and giving him a second chance. He will make sure they make the most of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to write but I'm quite sad it's already finished. I loved writing these characters.  
> This was my very first fic so if you have any comments, please share them.  
> And of course, kudos are more than appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this until the end ! <3


	11. Amazing Artwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an illustration for the fic ♥

Amazing drawing done by an amazing artist <3

 

Drawing a friend of mine did for Inktober.   
She was reading the fic at the same time and she did this for me ! She's amazing ! Go to her [Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/mariemarie.beraud/)♥  
  


 

[ ](https://imgur.com/d7rmCv0)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !!


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